Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I am 32 years old. I have been abused by a few people in my life which all of them are out of my life but one. Their is a family friend who is in my life still because I have not said anything to anyone. My wife knows what happened and a friend and my counselor. I can't tell my family because it will mess up my life and my abuser. I know that sounds bad. My abuser is married and I just want to move past it.
I am having a lot of flash backs right now because a week a go my abuser came by my apt but lucky my wife was home by the time he came. My abuser in 2004/2005 he and I had a drink. He and I we're talking and he touched my boobs and then he forced me to give him oral sex. He wrapped his hand in my hair pushing my head down. Once it was all over he asked if I was ok and said he hoped he didn't damage me. Then he took me home later.
Then about a year and half ago. He came to my mom's house when no one was there but me. I have seen him through out the years. He had me perform oral sex on him. I was freaking out inside myself and I told him I didn't want to but I did because he kept coming close to me. So I did it so he would leave. After he left I threw up.
Well my mom asked me to work on a yard project with the abuser this spring/summer. I don't want to but I want my mom to have a nice yard. I can do the design myself. But I want to just move on and my wife thinks I may have given him mixed feelings because I didn't say "stop don't do that." or he (the abuser) asked "Do you feel it was wrong what happened between us?" I tell him I don't want to talk about it and that it should never happen again. Any advice? I do try to avoid him. I just don't know what to do.
I am having a lot of flash backs right now because a week a go my abuser came by my apt but lucky my wife was home by the time he came. My abuser in 2004/2005 he and I had a drink. He and I we're talking and he touched my boobs and then he forced me to give him oral sex. He wrapped his hand in my hair pushing my head down. Once it was all over he asked if I was ok and said he hoped he didn't damage me. Then he took me home later.
Then about a year and half ago. He came to my mom's house when no one was there but me. I have seen him through out the years. He had me perform oral sex on him. I was freaking out inside myself and I told him I didn't want to but I did because he kept coming close to me. So I did it so he would leave. After he left I threw up.
Well my mom asked me to work on a yard project with the abuser this spring/summer. I don't want to but I want my mom to have a nice yard. I can do the design myself. But I want to just move on and my wife thinks I may have given him mixed feelings because I didn't say "stop don't do that." or he (the abuser) asked "Do you feel it was wrong what happened between us?" I tell him I don't want to talk about it and that it should never happen again. Any advice? I do try to avoid him. I just don't know what to do.
Have you worked with a therapist so you can heal from the abuses of your past? If not, I hope you will consider it. You can heal and you deserve to heal.
I am in counseling and working on it. It is something I am working on. I just feel stuck and not sure what to do.
I can appreciate how our mothers feel but I would hope they wouldn't chose prison over spending time with their children helping them heal.
What is your gut telling you to do?
It is very hard to start telling people because we were threatened to never tell. But once you start telling your story and the secret is out it does get easier.
My mother was the last person I told. I had to get to a point where I knew what I was remembering was true because I knew my mother would deny it. And she did. Not right away but once it sunk in she denied it. I can't fault her for that - after all I denied it for 6 months and that was while I was having flashbacks. It's a tough thing to accept.
My feeling is that you have suffered enough and you do not deserve the suffering you have been through or the suffering you are going through. Please do not put yourself in a situation to be within sight of this man.
Give your mother a chance to hear the truth. She is an adult and she will make choices but I bet one of them will not be to murder someone and risk going to prison. I am sure she will be angry, hurt, confused and may even deny it a bit (which is a normal reaction but it can be hurtful to you) but if she is a level headed woman she will not kill him.
Have you talked to your therapist about this?
I am staying away from the family friend. I dont answer his calls, text or anything. I am working on a plan with my therapist if he tries to come to my apt. So I am working on it.
I dont know if I can tell my mom. I get what your saying and thank you for your support. Ill work on it. Yeah it just sucks that most of the people that hurt us are people we know. It would be way easier if it were stranger danger. Ya know? I know that is not the case. It would make things easier.
I see my therapist tomorrow. So it is something that I will talk to her about.
Thank you for talking to me.
Even though I didn't remember they still affected me every day of my life so I'm thinking neither way is any good. What would be good is if all abuse just stopped altogether...right?
I hope you have a good session with your therapist tomorrow. Please think long and hard about what you want to continue to put yourself through so that others don't have to be inconvenienced or suffer.
Counseling was well. We have set up a plan to help keep me safe from my abuser. So I feel good about the plan.
Yeah I have been thinking about what I want to do and I am trying to heal and move on. Stay away from the abuser. You have given me so much support. Your a amazing person. Thank you. smiles.