Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hi all. I am new to this forum, and these are things I have rarely if ever talked about.so my story; I am 49 (almost the dreaded 50...EEEK) growing Up i was in a very warm, loving householdI. I was the late in life baby,my brother was 14, my sister 12 2nd sister was 9. From the time iI was born, iI was the " golden child". You see my 9 year old sister had a terminal brain tumor and from the time iI was born all iI knew was she was going to die. When iI was 13 she bless fully died. Suddenly I was the only child home and my parents suddenly smothered me with love and all the things they felt they had neglected. My father and I were especially close. We could and would talk about anything And everything. At night he would be awake in the living room wearing his T-shirt and under ware. I would come out and sit in his lap and we would talk about everything. He would ask about if I was interested in sex yet, things like that. About a year later mom was out of town. Dad asked me to come into his Bedroom. The lights were out and he said he wanted to show me a movie. It was a sex film. He then opened his robe and said he wanted to teach me an alternative to intercourse in case I ever needed it, especially to avoid rape. I was very upset and left the room. After that I felt uncomfortable being around him. When I did become sexually active I found out that he would watch through windows when I thought he was gone. He would then critique my sex. Needless to say I learned quickly to either shut curtains/windows/ or go somewhere else that he didn't know about. He followed me once. The thing is, I still adored my father. Till the day he died a few years ago, I worshipped him. To me other than what I have said, he was practically a saint in my eyes. In every other part of life he was such a good man. But that one thing with me never left. I recently found out that when my sister was younger he would have her sit on his lap at night too, but with her he did touch. I don't know how to put these feeling anywhere. Was it sexual assault/abuse? How could this wonderful loving man do this to my sister and I? In his warped way was he really trying to teach me a way to avoid rape/sex? I know my story is mild compared to so many here who were hurt beyond imagination. But I finally needed to tell my story and ask for....help; clarity? Wisdom? I don't know what the word is but I just needed to tell my story. Bless each and every one of you who reads my story, and to everyone who had ever been hurt. Blessed be
"Sexual assault is not about passion or sexual desire. It is the use of power and control by one person over another person using sexual means. It is this use of power, to violate, humiliate or hurt another person, which gratifies the attacker.
Most offenders are known to the survivors of sexual assault. They may be a member of the family, a boyfriend, a boss, an acquaintance or a neighbour. Some women may feel violated or abused by someone, even though the incident might not fit into the legal definition of sexual assault.
The Rape Crisis Centre encourages women to seek support and assistance if you feel violated or assaulted in any way, regardless of the legal definitions."
What your father did would most definitely fall under the definition of sexual assault. I hope that you can find someone to work with you through this chapter of your life.
I am now 52 and was thrown into the deep end of dealing with sexual abuse last year when our two precious daughters disclosed they had been abused for years by their brother. The counsellor I was seeing twigged that I had been abused at some point through my reactions. She has been a godsend in my life and is helping me piece together my own broken pieces. I am finally getting answers for things I have struggled with all my life and other people could never help me with.
You're never too old to heal and grow stronger from this.
I am 46 and I didn't remember the abuse until 2 years ago (it happened from 8-12). All memories came back in the form of flashbacks but not enough of them to actually build a memory of exactly what happened. Because of this my therapist had me focus on the feelings because they were not, nor had they ever been, forgotten. When I was in denial about what I was seeing in the flashbacks I would always fall back on the feelings and remind myself "The feelings never lie. I would not be feeling these horrible feelings if something horrible didn't create them." I tell you this because I want you to understand that your feelings are telling you the truth - that what your father did to you -sexual or not - was an invasion of your space, your privacy AND your body.
It is also OK for you to still love your father....and to be angry with him. He was your father and there are still parts of you who were not violated by him and still love him deeply. Then there are parts who were violated by him who may be very angry with him. These are all very normal ways to feel and I am sure it is very confusing - this tug-of-war that goes on when this happens. I would urge you to find a therapist so you can begin to heal from what happened to you. I know how easy it is to minimize what happened (I did it too and sometimes still do) but this is a big thing and your feelings are telling you this. You deserve to heal from it and move beyond it so you can live a life without thinking about it any more.
Take care