Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I moved to this area of Ohio when I was about 9 years old. I have never had any close friends and never saw any form of affection before except with my family, you know hugs n whatnot. I met a cousin of mine that was in my class and our friendship grew quickly. By 7th grade two years later we kind of moved away from normal conversations. I was his only friend, and he was mine. He started touching me, places I felt uncomfortable. He told me he was gay about a year after that. He molested me up until last year, Im 16. He got so far as too pull my shirt up multiple times, and he did this stuff in public too. He did it in school in front of the teachers and everything. He even convinced me that its what friends do and I ended up doing it back to him until about two years ago I discovered that it wasnt normal, I was being molested.
I developed, in the past year, a bad habit of getting into porn watching and once I did something online with a guy, Im a lesbian, and I ended up being a victim of an online pedofile. Every time I get on my MSN account I think about him and I just start to cry. I am suffering really badly because of these, and few other situations of online cyber pedofiles. I think Im too weak or something, they just sweet talk me and I go along with it until its all over and I stop and think to myself "Oh my god what the hell did I just do?" I never told my councilor any of these things, then again there is much she doesnt know. I think, because of all these things that have happened to me, is why I wont let my doctor do a PAP test and see if I have PCOS. Its something that could be dangerous that needs to be checked for and I wont let them look because of all that has happened.
I developed, in the past year, a bad habit of getting into porn watching and once I did something online with a guy, Im a lesbian, and I ended up being a victim of an online pedofile. Every time I get on my MSN account I think about him and I just start to cry. I am suffering really badly because of these, and few other situations of online cyber pedofiles. I think Im too weak or something, they just sweet talk me and I go along with it until its all over and I stop and think to myself "Oh my god what the hell did I just do?" I never told my councilor any of these things, then again there is much she doesnt know. I think, because of all these things that have happened to me, is why I wont let my doctor do a PAP test and see if I have PCOS. Its something that could be dangerous that needs to be checked for and I wont let them look because of all that has happened.
http://www.4woman.gov/faq/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.cfm#a
Hiding things from your doctor or professional counselor is never a good idea. Since you are on this site, I suspect you feel a lot of shame about things that happened in your past. Talking to a counselor honestly would be a good place to start making your life better.
The Internet is full of predators. Why don't you create a new screenname/email address,then not respond to anyone you don't know who tries to IM or chat one-on-one with you? If you feel you need to please such guys by being on line with them, maybe that is something you could bring up with your counselor too.
The problems you had concerning porn and doing things on the internet I can also relate with. Doing things with guys on the internet made me feel wanted while it was going on, but after made me feel dirty and gross. It was almost like up until you do something you feel like you have to do it to feel normal again, but after you do it it makes you even worse.
For me, I had to tell someone. I told a close friend of mine first and that helped alot. You have to get your problem out in the open and ask people to help you with it. I guarantee that most people will not think you are gross, but just want to be there for you and help you feel loved.
Also, try to find hobbies that can fill up your time. Whenever I was bored I used to get on the internet. But now I scrapbook, read, and watch tv seasons. Having something to do really helped me curb the impluse. It is almost like it helps to be prepared for the urge to do that, and each time you do, you do one of these hobbies instead.
I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any other questions or need someone to talk to.
im sorry you were taken advantage of. you have nothing to feel shame over. Your cousin took advantage of you and manipulated you and the lack of reactions of adults made it seem more like what was happening to you was acceptable. These online guys are predators taking advantage of a girl.
I think when we are abused at a young age its like we are programmed in a way and this makes us vulnerable to be abused again. This is also why we may get in to abusive relationships. we will seek out the familiar even if it is bad for us. its like weve been taught that we deserve this kind of treatment and not to be respected. Ive avoided people, especially relationships for a long time now because I know that Im attracted to jerks. I first want to work on my issues and self-esteem so that I can change my behaviour in the future.
I think it would really be a good idea to tell a therapist all about this stuff. I know its scary but most therapists have heard all kinds of stuff and its not going to be a surprise to them.
I dont know what PCOS is. I think STD checkups and pap smears are important though. Some infections can cause serious complications if they are not detected and treated early. I know its daunting but see if you can have a nurse of friend present and have female doctor if that will help. Ive had these examinations dozens of times and at worst for me it is slightly uncomfortable (not because of the abuse). It is very clinical and over quickly. Try to think, not of the procedure but why you are having it done..for your health. If you can, tell your doctor you are scared about the procedure and they may be able to reassure you.
All the best.