I"m having the same problem too.

I just had to take the advice someone else here(forgot who,sorry) that you have to listen to your gut instinct.

I have to believe in myself. I'm the one who has to live forever with me and I know between myself and God that there is truth in my dreams, memories and so forth.

Don't doubt yourself. This is one of the hardest things any of us face and that's our memory and what it can do to us.

We live with it then, now and always.

Trust it, believe it, and accept it,no matter how hard it is. That's what I tell myself whenever I doubt my own mind.

i agree with moondragon. you really need to follow your gut on this. my attacker constantly told me that i wanted it but i didn't. you just follow your heart.

Consent has little to do with it. There are many many ways in which a situation, even IF consensual, can still be abusive.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what he says. If it haunts you and effects you, then it's a problem and needs to be addressed. I question my memories of rape all the time, but I have come to the conclusion that because it effects me, and my life so profoundly, that it is at least real enough to me to be legitimate. What matters in this instance, is you, getting help, getting some therapy and healing. What does NOT matter is other people's opinions on what is going on inside your head. And as far as HE goes, let's face it, most abusers would deny it. So take care of yourself! That's the important thing, whether or not your memories are real.

I used to obsess over this question too. Did it really happen? How could I have repressed all of this? Etc...

But I came to realize that I was getting better by working on the abuse issues. If they weren't real, I wouldn't be getting better. There would be a different problem.

I've accepted that my memories are true. And a few years ago, I got corroboration from an aunt. It was nice to have that "proof" but I had already accepted it.

Please be gentle with yourself. (((HUG)))