Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
At the age of 6 I was first raped. I think!??? I am unsure of the age... it was oral and anal... it went on for a long time... then later, when I was 8 we moved to a street where the men and women abused the children, and then the children abused the children. I have lost the plot. I have been feeling a penis in my anus 24 hrs a day and one in my mouth... it is never ending and no one seems to understand. I have fallen apart so much that I am in a psych unit and last night to stop the fake sensation, I asked a guy to do it to me.... to make me kind of know that the sensations were exactly the same.... to feel what is REAL... I made him really hurt me... and now I feel utterly disgusting... and I have no one to talk to about this.....
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
What you are describing are body memories. Everyone has them in some form and they are difficult to deal with. If you are working on healing from the abuse the body memories do go away in time.
There is also a healing modality called Reiki that can help remove those body memories but it can stir up a lot of emotion at the same time. I am not sure if this is something you would be interested in learning more about. If you are then please ask me some questions and I'll answer them as best as I can.
Are you working on healing from the abuse? I hope you are talking to a professional about it. You deserve to heal and you CAN heal from what happened. You CAN live a happy life without your past haunting you day-in and day-out.
Take care
I confess to using adult toys to re-enact the memories on myself. I don't know why, really. I do it. It doesn't mean I wanted this crap in my head, it was put there without my consent.
Yettobe, you are not disgusting,though I understand the feelings well. I hope you get discharged soon.