Maybe she always has to be the biggest victim?

Maybe,but thats a bad quality to have

Maybe I'm just slow today but I'm not clear, at 6 you and a number of other kids in the class were abused by the teacher. As part of the investigation of the teacher, the police investigated your mother to make sure she wasn't the abuser? I can't figure out why if the teacher abused lots of kids in the class why they would be investigating your mother to see if she may have abused everyone?

The second part I think I get, you were deeply affected by the abuse and looking for some comfort and understanding of what you went through at such a vulnerable age and instead of providing it, she dismissed and brushed your feelings aside and made it about her because she was inconvenienced and under suspicion..... as if in any way this compares to the damage done and lasting impact the trauma of sexual abuse can have and did have on you as an innocent and completely vulnerable little 6 yr old girl. For her to dismiss you and make it about her is offensive

Individuals vary in their capacity for empathy and compassion for others ...something that requires putting oneself in the others position and imagining what they must be feeling. Some easily and readily feel the pain of others but the continuum in terms of empathy runs all the way in the opposite direction to the other extreme...the sociopath who has zero capacity for empathy....who, if fact, is literally incapable of understanding the feelings of anyone but themselves. I'm not suggesting your mother's a sociopath but it may be when it comes to empathy she's further down on that end of the spectrum. By adulthood this personality trait is set and remains constant throughout life. If your mother is deficient in this area (empathy and compassion) then you experienced it all through your childhood where you never got the warmth, understanding and comfort you needed and most expect from their mothers when telling them about something hurtful and painful that had happened. ..... Or it may just be, while she has the capacity, she tends to be so self absorbed and selfish most of the time that you'd rarely get what you needed from her emotionally and this was yet another one of those time where she was incapable of just listening and showing you she understood how it effected you and instead turned it around and made it about her and how bad it was for her....as if that has any relevance.

I can certainly understand your anger and disgust. Not what one expects and needs from their mother. If she is someone who has minimal capacity for empathy and compassion, it will never change regardless of what you do, if however she does have the capacity but just tends to be selfish and insensitive at times, you can impact and shape her behavior to more of what you want using simple behavior modification techniques

When I finally told of my abuse I found that a few other members of my family were abused as well and that my confession forced them to relive their abuse. Maybe the "all she went through" was her trying to tell you that this investigation brought back bad memories? Im just trying to rationalize it but if that isnt the case then your mother should not have been as careless with her words

don't listen or believe her. I came to realize that parents are just as suseptable to the big D meaning denial. most parents do not want to accept the fact that they are not perfect parents and don't want to believe they failed in protecting their child. It isn't right but it is the real world. Stay true to yourself and really that is all that is important.

good luck and best wishes.

rich