Hi. Welcome to the group. I am very sorry for all you have been through.

I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with you. What you are experiencing is normal for what you have been through. It does appear that most people fall into one of 2 categories - those who become hyper sexual and those who don't want sex at all. There are people who move between the two extremes too. I fall into the category of wanting no sex. I am married to a wonderful man who is extremely understanding because it's not just that I don't want to have sex I can't...I have vaginismus which is the inability to have anything penetrate. Not even a tampon.

Healing takes time and for most they need the help of a therapist. Simply remembering or forgetting what happened will not heal a person. Healing involves feeling all the emotions associated with the abuse. All those feelings you didn't allow yourself to have at the time are still trapped inside of you and want to come out. Once you allow yourself to feel them you will begin the healing process. To my knowledge, no one has healed by forcing themselves to be sexual when they don't want to be.

You say that you have not been helped medically. Are you speaking of therapists or medication? If you have tried therapy in the past and it has not worked I would urge you to try again. If you can find a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse it can help you tremendously. You deserve to heal from what happened and you deserve to have a wonderful life. A life where you can enjoy the intimacy that is found between two people.

Therapist wise. I even tried to find a sexual therapist. There is none of those in my location that takes my insurance. Most of the guys that I had dealt with in my past never really cared about my problems to actually help me with it either. My therapist didnt really focus on this issue as it was one of many other issues to deal with. So now I don't act on any sexual need and lost all interest in it entirely.

I would urge you to try therapy again even if it is not a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse. Perhaps a therapist who does EMDR or hypnotherapy would be helpful for you.

I also had to deal with many issues before working on the abuse. I had to work on setting boundaries with my family and I also had to see that I was a worthy person. Until I accomplished this I didn't even remember I was abused. So the fact that the other therapists focused on other issues is not a surprise to me. You need a more solid foundation before you can move forward and heal.

Please don't give up. Try therapy again. You deserve to heal.

((Hugs))

I agree with luckyempath. Don't give up on therapy. Having no one to talk to will only make you feel more alone and isolated. Sometimes in order to heal a wound you have to remove the band aid and pour some alcohol on it. It will sting at first but you will be better off.

No there is nothing wrong with you. After my abduction and abuse i as well closed up and never said a word about to anyone what all happen during my captivity. I hated to be touched, i hated going out in public because i would always be looking around every corner to see if he was there. I was always scared that he would take me away again and i would never bee seen again. This went on into my adulthood and it had gotten worse over time. Therapy is what you need to be doing. During your healing process you need to keep a journal of what you feel, what comes to mind, your nightmares. This are important things you should take to your therapist so the therapist can become more intune with you. I have done EMDR and it has don't wonders for me. Im now more open to friends and family about the horrific things that happen that i have keep inside for so long. No there is nothing wrong with you. You just need a little guidance.

Scott