Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
And, OH CRAP SHOULD HAVE ADDED A TRIGGER WARNING...
The easiest way to put this is blunt:
...How can anyone tell if sexual abuse occurred? The person to whom it happened feels violated.
No, it's not a legal definition.
But we have a right to feel violated!
If we felt violated at the time, and it's still bothering us, it does no good for someone else to say "oh, that wasn't so bad."
Most of us are adults and I am quite sure if we weren't traumatized by what happened we'd be out having a freaking picnic or something, not on a message board talking about the creepy stuff that happened to us ten, twenty, thirty, forty years ago.
My mother was sexually abused by her father... mostly through words. When she reached puberty, he'd stand outside the bathroom door and make perverted comments. He groped her a few times.
It STILL cast a long shadow. For a long time my mother was a profoundly unhappy, shy, and anxious person.
(She took a lot of it out on me, but that's another story)
It's mild compared to what a lot of us went through, but I can see how the damage created a cascade effect in her life.
This includes being in denial about the sexual abuse of yours truly, when in hindsight we both agree it was really bleedin' obvious something was exceedingly wrong.
The easiest way to put this is blunt:
...How can anyone tell if sexual abuse occurred? The person to whom it happened feels violated.
No, it's not a legal definition.
But we have a right to feel violated!
If we felt violated at the time, and it's still bothering us, it does no good for someone else to say "oh, that wasn't so bad."
Most of us are adults and I am quite sure if we weren't traumatized by what happened we'd be out having a freaking picnic or something, not on a message board talking about the creepy stuff that happened to us ten, twenty, thirty, forty years ago.
My mother was sexually abused by her father... mostly through words. When she reached puberty, he'd stand outside the bathroom door and make perverted comments. He groped her a few times.
It STILL cast a long shadow. For a long time my mother was a profoundly unhappy, shy, and anxious person.
(She took a lot of it out on me, but that's another story)
It's mild compared to what a lot of us went through, but I can see how the damage created a cascade effect in her life.
This includes being in denial about the sexual abuse of yours truly, when in hindsight we both agree it was really bleedin' obvious something was exceedingly wrong.
I have also been finding that it doesn't matter if the abuse was 'mild' or 'severe' the feelings are always the same. I think the human mind is amazing: it protects us as best it can and tries to make sense out of the senseless. The human will to survive is just as amazing. We all survived and that is a wonderful thing indeed.
Good post! :-)
I also remember how it felt when someone said that what happened to me was just "exploring". Well...I call BS on that. A 16 year old does not explore with an 8 year old. I don't think attempting to drown me was "exploring" either.
I do sometimes get angry when someone has morning after regrets and plays the assault card. Yes it does happen but I do my best to keep my typing fingers still and my mouth shut.
God knows as I got older I made some stupid choices ( actually they were just choices) and woke up the next day and wondered what the heck I did the night before. I never felt traumatized though. Maybe i'm just that way.
IMO you are one up on many others because you recognize it and try to stop yourself from doing it.
Take care
I could say more but it's a tad late...
I also just want to say you have a really powerful way of writing.