Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Repressed memories. The worst. I've been in counseling for a few years now, just recently my counselor and I have determined that I did experience sexual abuse. I remember but I don't... And it's so frustrating. My body remembers. I acted out excessively by masturbating when I was younger. To violent images that I otherwise was not exposed to. I still can't hear or see things and not feel aroused. When I was younger I was petrified of going to sleep and I didn't know why. I was scared of the dark and began sleeping with my mom around 10. I'm getting married in June and I'm terrified. I'm terrified of sex. I always have been. He knows about this but it's just hard for him to grasp. He's very supportive, but I just feel like a failure for feeling so nasty at the thought of sex. If My dreams and "flashbacks" serve me correctly, my abuse was a form of discipline. I was horrified and I hate my body for responding to it. Please help.
Abuse as discipline?
-For one, that's not a sane punishment for a child's disobedience.
-two, children (and humans ) are going to be imperfect, it's what we do. Point being, your abuser would have -found an excuse-.
-Three, framing the abuse as discipline meant you'd feel like it was -your fault-, and increased your shame. This made it far more likely you'd keep your mouth shut about it.
As far as your body responding? Nerve endings work. That's all. It is your body's gift. Your abuser had no right and no business messing around with YOUR gift.
While reclaiming your gift mentally is difficult, you deserve it to be yours again, to share with the man you love.
I strongly recommend a book called "the sexual healing journey" by Wendy Maltz...and therapy! Therapy with a trauma therapist.
You may not believe it due to a deeply felt sense of shame. Believing it was our fault was a survival measure? If that makes sense.
So we would not logically blame any other child for being sexually assaulted by an adult.
But we almost universally blame ourselves.
Getting feelings to come around and get in sync with logic is ALSO a long, slow process.
A GOOD therapist is a huge asset in getting there.
Beware the quacks.