Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
After I was raped almost a year ago.. I met this boy (younger than me) and we talked and hit it off. I gave him a ride home and when I got into his room... he was soon very aggressive.
We had sex... I'd say it was consensual because I can never open my mouth to say what I really want, but soon after that night I felt like he raped me. But I never said anything. We kept hanging out and he fell obsessively in love with me.
His comment on the rape was always..."you are still not over that". UGh. He and I have gone along a bumpy road, we became friends eventually. I broke his heart he broke mine.
But now I am the one who is into him and I feel like it is because he was there for me through two hospitalizations and right after the rape and I feel like I am trapped in him. He has moved on and is dating other girls and it makes me furious because he still tries to hook up with me.
I can't get out of the trap. I'm getting the feeling he is a bad guy. And I should have left the idea of him after we had sex that first night. I don't know what to do. I love him. But he's hurting me.
We had sex... I'd say it was consensual because I can never open my mouth to say what I really want, but soon after that night I felt like he raped me. But I never said anything. We kept hanging out and he fell obsessively in love with me.
His comment on the rape was always..."you are still not over that". UGh. He and I have gone along a bumpy road, we became friends eventually. I broke his heart he broke mine.
But now I am the one who is into him and I feel like it is because he was there for me through two hospitalizations and right after the rape and I feel like I am trapped in him. He has moved on and is dating other girls and it makes me furious because he still tries to hook up with me.
I can't get out of the trap. I'm getting the feeling he is a bad guy. And I should have left the idea of him after we had sex that first night. I don't know what to do. I love him. But he's hurting me.
Think on this: Mature love does not hurt.
And if you're "getting the feeling he is a bad guy" why are you walking away from your own intuitive wisdom?
It's going to be difficult to really know what "love" is until you've healed from the rape and have learned to love yourself. I say that knowing rape victims often blame themselves for the rape in some way, at first.
Have you healed from the rape? If not, make this your first priority. When you free yourself you may be surprised to find that you are also free from being "trapped in him."
xxx
i'm sorry for the situation you are in. I would talk to a therapist to work out which is best for you.
I think you possibly know in your heart that this man will not be good for you long term. I certainly dont like his comment of "you aren't over that" ...it's not something you generally just get over...it will always be with you to a certain extent.
I am thinking this guy makes you feel special and you have a strong emotional connection with him after what you have been through.
What you need to believe for yourself is that you will meet someone else who will also be therefore you and have a better emotional connection with you. BECAUSE YOU ARE WORTHY OF SOMEONE BETTER...and dont stop until you find him. The easy choice is to take scraps from him instead of the hard road of finding someone who loves and respects you. If he is trying to get with you when he's with someone else then that speaks volumes of his charactor.
good luck..hope you do the right thing.xxx
THIS IS A HUGELY IMPORTANT STATEMENT YOU HAVE MADE...AND YOU NEED TO CHANGE THIS ABOUT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU MEET ANYONE ELSE!!! I can never open my mouth to say what i really want....If you couldnt do this with him then DONT GO BACK.....Learn what it is that you want and how to voice this and i think you will attract decent people and repel the a**holes.xxx
i am so so sorry. I hope from the bottom of my heart that everything works out for you and don't forget to take as much time as you need to to deal with what you're feeling.
this guy is no good. at all. first hint is the way you felt after you two had sex, you bascially felt violated. second, is the way he expected you to get over a rape.
i was raped, countless times. there is no way in hell i will ever be fully over it. third, he is still trying to have sex while he is with other girls, so how do you know he wasnt doing the same thing while you two were official?
The second time it was too rough but I didn't say anything because I was afraid he'd get mad.
This morning when I woke up and he left to get his hair cut, his roommate told me the night before he was having sex with this girl Gabby in the grave yard all night.. they brought blankets and everything.
He told me he hung out with Gabby but he left that part out. I sent him a mean txt and he texted back saying "I didnt lie to you about anything. Fuck you"
I called him an asshole back.
This sucks and I think you are right it is toxic and he is a bad guy. But I am so attached to him.
Believe in yourself. You deserve to be treated like a queen.
Were you listening? WhispersA said it very clearly...this guy does not love you. Give yourself a break and walk away.
you are exactly right. i have always felt i should be treated with no respect. i used to think i should be beated and abused by a man.. an angry man and that was the way it was going to be.. the way it should be. but no, maybe i'm worth something more. and i am afraid of what's out there and what a good man will think of me.
whisperA:
I think you are right.. and your words were pretty hard to read but.. i get it. walk away.
shaz: thank you for your support on this, and everyone. i do have a rape counselor, i will bring it up with her the next time i see her.
thanks guys