Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I have had a rough weekend. I have been working hard on getting better but the counseling has opened up a big can of worms. I am remembering things I haven't thought of in years. Not new memories just things I had put away in my head box.
Several years ago I was living in DE. I moved down there with my daughters father (now my ex). The relationship was bad and he had a temper, and a gambling problem. I finally worked up the courage to leave him. I was scared of him so it was a covert operation. Friends agreed to help me move in the middle of the night if need be. I was tucking away extra money. I was partly empowered by being part of a adult survivors group.
Anyway i had made a friend there and she knew I had a fascination with BDSM and considered myself to be submissive. (I think for me this had to do with my childhood abuse) She was married but her husband traveled a lot and they were having issues. She introduced me to her "Master" We met in person a couple of times but it was most often a phone sex type of thing. He would have me do things like flog myself until it left marks or have me flog myself 50 times while on the phone with him to he could hear it. i won't go into all the things.... One thing that he had asked Kim to do was find him other submissives....it was how she served him. She said that he would eventually ask me to do that too. I left DE and moved back to NY where I got my first computer. We still kept in touch by phone but now had internet chat. It was at this time he asked me to find him other submissives. I asked him what he liked and he was always vague and would say 'You should know what would please me" I guess i was in denial or really just that naive but I never thought he meant he wanted 15 year old girls. A couple of months after I moved back to NY he told me we couldn't have any more contact and I should not message him. He said he had some legal problems and it was best if we had no contact. he wouldn't tell me what it was about. A few weeks later Kim called me and told me he had been arrested. Apparently he drove to Alabama and picked up two 15 year old girls and took them back to his home in PA where he held them for 3 or 4 days until one of the girls was able to call the police. She told me he kept them in a cage. She said he was set up. She said the girls lied about their age and she had seen pictures of them and they looked older than they were. This happened in 1999. Did they publish the pics of underage sexual assault victims then??? I wonder....did my friend find these girls on the internet for him then he moved in on them? I know he chatted with them but not sure if she played a role in the initial introduction. Anyway...I can't help thinking how close I came to being an accessory to this. Goes to show how messed up my thinking/perception was. no wonder i don't trust myself.
Several years ago I was living in DE. I moved down there with my daughters father (now my ex). The relationship was bad and he had a temper, and a gambling problem. I finally worked up the courage to leave him. I was scared of him so it was a covert operation. Friends agreed to help me move in the middle of the night if need be. I was tucking away extra money. I was partly empowered by being part of a adult survivors group.
Anyway i had made a friend there and she knew I had a fascination with BDSM and considered myself to be submissive. (I think for me this had to do with my childhood abuse) She was married but her husband traveled a lot and they were having issues. She introduced me to her "Master" We met in person a couple of times but it was most often a phone sex type of thing. He would have me do things like flog myself until it left marks or have me flog myself 50 times while on the phone with him to he could hear it. i won't go into all the things.... One thing that he had asked Kim to do was find him other submissives....it was how she served him. She said that he would eventually ask me to do that too. I left DE and moved back to NY where I got my first computer. We still kept in touch by phone but now had internet chat. It was at this time he asked me to find him other submissives. I asked him what he liked and he was always vague and would say 'You should know what would please me" I guess i was in denial or really just that naive but I never thought he meant he wanted 15 year old girls. A couple of months after I moved back to NY he told me we couldn't have any more contact and I should not message him. He said he had some legal problems and it was best if we had no contact. he wouldn't tell me what it was about. A few weeks later Kim called me and told me he had been arrested. Apparently he drove to Alabama and picked up two 15 year old girls and took them back to his home in PA where he held them for 3 or 4 days until one of the girls was able to call the police. She told me he kept them in a cage. She said he was set up. She said the girls lied about their age and she had seen pictures of them and they looked older than they were. This happened in 1999. Did they publish the pics of underage sexual assault victims then??? I wonder....did my friend find these girls on the internet for him then he moved in on them? I know he chatted with them but not sure if she played a role in the initial introduction. Anyway...I can't help thinking how close I came to being an accessory to this. Goes to show how messed up my thinking/perception was. no wonder i don't trust myself.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
It sounds like there was no way for you to know that this man was interested in under age girls. And it's very possible that whey you first became involved with him he wasn't interested in them. This may have been a progression in his fantasies that started after you met him.
I know there is not much I can say to you to ease your mind about all that could have been had you been the one asked to get these girls for him. It didn't happen and for that you can be really grateful. You were not an accessory to his illegal activity and that is the fact in all of this. Hold onto the facts and know you did nothing wrong.
Take care