If your not in therapy masturbating is your way of dealin with the pain of your assaults. There is nothing wrong with masturbating just as long it does not interfere with your daylly activity's. I do hope you get into therapy soon so you start to heal.

( Hope To Cope ) Scott

There is nothing wrong with you. What is wrong was the way you were introduced to sex. Something that is supposed to be a bond of trust and intimacy was taken from you by someone else's need to control and hurt a young girl.

When we are introduced to sex too young and in ways that are not normal we begin to think "this is how sex is". Since our body does respond in a pleasurable way when we are touched in a certain way we think "I must have liked it" or "This must be how sex is". Our perception of sex becomes distorted because there is no one there explaining to us that what was done to us was wrong.

The abuse I went through was very violent so throughout my life I was disgusted that sexual violence on tv got me aroused. I thought, like you do, that my mind was sick. But once I remembered the abuse it all made sense. My first introduction to sex was violence and every time the abuser aroused me orgasm their was pain and violence that accompanied it. My mind is not sick. My mind and body learned over the course of 5 years that pleasure and pain go together. But I have broken this cycle and sexual violence no longer arouses me. I worked with a therapist and I hope you decide to do the same. You can heal and you deserve to heal.

Take care

I am really trying to finally heal .

Thank you for posting this. It has given voice to some of my own concerns and helped me look more introspectively at my them. I'm sorry you've suffered these experiences, and I know this is not always easy to talk about. I just wanted you to know that, in sharing this, you've help me, and probably others, through our own struggles. Once again, thank you, and I hope you find the peace and healing you are looking for.