If God brings you to it, He will bring you though it. You are not alone in your fears give your fears to God and trust in Him to help him you get through this difficult time. I pray that everything works out with the therapist!

She isn't going to think anything differently about you that would be negative. 9 out of 10 times, they go into that type of field because they have been there as well.

Don't be afraid, bringing it out into the open is good for you. denial and hiding it will make your whole life so much harder. Hang in there! It will all work out for you. keep us informed as to how you are doing!
Mahwewa makes a very valid point, I like his post a lot.

i had a really difficult time admitting to myself what happened to me my whole life and it was seriously hard for me to tell anyone. I've been in therapy for six years and only told a few weeks ago about most of it...and very vaguely. that was really hard for me. i was scared of making it real. yesterday my counselor asked me to talk about my anger and i got really really close to telling her a detail and my walls went way up. i totally freaked out in my head...i felt like i couldn't handle it. i got silent for a very long time and she kept trying to convince me that she wasnt going to judge me and that telling her wasn't going to change the way she thought of me and that the sky wasn't going to fall, etc. i just couldnt say it though. something about it just scared me. partially because i didn't believe what she was telling me, and partially because of other factors...but i finally managed to find a way to tell her...and she didn't judge. she didn't look at me weird. she didnt tell me i was disgusting. she didn't even think it. im not saying that i liked how it felt to tell her, but she didn't lie to me and she didn't comment on the way i reacted to everything. i judge myself pretty harshly but she wasnt interested in doing that at all. your counselor won't be either. it'll be hard but you can do it :-) good luck.

thank you guys for commenting! yea im harsh witht myself...for a very long time like 6yrs of my life i told last yr....i was trying to deny it soo bad but then the flashbacks kept getting worse until they drove me to tell. ive told my best friend what happened in detail but that was because it happened to her too and so she told me about herself and i told her about me. she didnt judge me or anything but because i cudnt get it out to an adult i felt horrible. idk how to tell an adult cuz u know with teens and stuff we change words and use slang words and so its easier. i think (but i think they only do this with lil kids) get two teddy bears or something and just show her...idk

The previous comments are great. alot of good advice. Try not to worry about what your therapist thinks she has probably been there herself. 2nd tell yourself it's part of your healing. My father abused me all through my childhood. Im not ashamed at all to tell my story. In fact i have really tried to take what happened to me and help others. I have even spoken to a group of therapists, policeman, childrens services workers and told them my story. I truley believe it helped me to heal. It was not your fault. If you need to talk write ma a line or two.. Annalee

thank you!! :) see the thing is i could tell ppl that i was abused no problem. its the details that i cant handle

the datails are the hardest part and even after telling people that it had happened I had a hard time telling them exactly what happened in detail. Slowly I told people and most people would tell me how sorry they are for me others cried cause they had never known someone who went through it and just couldn't believe that it could happen to someone they know. I have not lost one friend or family member that I have told but I have not gone into detail about it with some of them still only because I don't know if they are emotionaly ready I usualy wait for them to ask me first. Then I tell them what happened and most the time we sit and cry together. It will all be fine, don't feel rushed to jump into details. Just saying it happened is a strong thing to do.

Reading this discusssion topic this morning is ironic because I just spent over two hours last night discussioning EMDR therapy with my son's girlfriend. What was interesting is that as we discussed her rape, she revealed more and more details to me and cried.

I convinced her to go through EMDR therapy and spend a year on herself. She has similar feelings as you, but once she started talking with me and my son, it became easier for her.

Good luck with your therapy. Free your self!

Fugioman

Congratulations on making the decision to go to therapy! That is such a huge important step. Be proud of yourself, so many survivors wait yeaaaarrss before they decide to make that first appointment.

I was also super nervous about my 1st appointment. It's only natural! As survivors we've been through so much pain and our stories can be really intense to talk about. It's even harder when you haven't yet established a relationship or trust with the person you'll be opening up to. Talk at your own pace with your therapist and allow the relationship to build before you jump into anything too deep. Let your therapist know you're nervous and feeling panic or anxiety. That way he or she is aware of how you're feeling.

Also, you say you want to be "normal". As a survivor, I would say you're normal already. The abuse makes us feel isolated and different, but one thing that group therapy and individual therapy have taught me, is that I am actually very normal. What I feel and think is normal considering what I've experienced.

Big hugs!!

THANK YOU!! :) i will try

I don't think i ever talked to any one in detail about what happened to me; there are one or two people I have give slight glimpses of what happened; but have never gone into detail. I have a hard time with the gravity of it, as in the number of people and number of times; I don't think any one else could grasp it..

Don't be afraid to open the door, and let out all the things hidden behind it;. You are at a cross roads, where you decide am I going to go down this road and heal, or am I going to go down this road where I try hide it all and pretend it did not happen. No one promised life and or healing would be easy, but it is easier when we get rid of all the baggage that weighs us down.

try to remember your in a safe place. Whatever happens your therapist will get you through it. Be brave ok? you can do it!! Just tell yourself your in a safe place and your doing this to help yourself. In the end it will be worth it. Annalee