Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
My mother knows my sexual abuse story. I told her 20 yrs after the sexual abuse by my uncle. She has never been supportive towards while I work through the problems I inherited from that experience.
Just the other day my mother spoke to my gay uncle who would watch his brother sexually molest me and helped me to get my uncle,his brother, to stop. She had spoken to him in years. He asked about me, apparently. He told me that my uncle was going to forward his contact information to me through my mother.
My mother, with no hesitation of concern, said when she gets his info she will send my uncle's info to me. She said it like my uncle and I are friends.
Just as a parent, I'm not one, I would think, if my mother never wants to question my uncles about the incident, she could just take the info and never think about telling me about it. The other option, my mother could have asked me if I wanted the info. The way my mother went about it, it made me feel like the molestation never existed. My mother never asks me how I am doing with regards to the molestation since I told.
The only reason my mother did not give my uncle my address is because she gave my address out to an old girlfriend with out my permission and I yelled at her. It had nothing to do with protecting from my uncles.
I'm just done dealing with my mother.
Just the other day my mother spoke to my gay uncle who would watch his brother sexually molest me and helped me to get my uncle,his brother, to stop. She had spoken to him in years. He asked about me, apparently. He told me that my uncle was going to forward his contact information to me through my mother.
My mother, with no hesitation of concern, said when she gets his info she will send my uncle's info to me. She said it like my uncle and I are friends.
Just as a parent, I'm not one, I would think, if my mother never wants to question my uncles about the incident, she could just take the info and never think about telling me about it. The other option, my mother could have asked me if I wanted the info. The way my mother went about it, it made me feel like the molestation never existed. My mother never asks me how I am doing with regards to the molestation since I told.
The only reason my mother did not give my uncle my address is because she gave my address out to an old girlfriend with out my permission and I yelled at her. It had nothing to do with protecting from my uncles.
I'm just done dealing with my mother.
Parents go into denial for various reasons.
-Some just don't want to admit that they failed at protecting us (this was my mother)
-Some are victims of abuse themselves and their attitude is due to their own unresolved issues and fears.
-Some have unresolved issues that have shaped who they are but these unresolved issues have nothing to do with abuse (this was also my mother)
In truth, we just don't know what happened in your mothers life to make her the way she is today. All you can do is protect yourself. And if that means cutting her out of your life (even if it's temporary) then that is what you should do. Take care of yourself first.
If I were you, I would confront your mom about her denial. Tell her that it's hurting you. If nothing changes after that, cut her out of your life. That's what I plan on doing with my mom once I move out.
I have been in a similar situation as you, and until I got a P.O. Box and only gave out my P.O. Box to relatives or anyone else, there was drama. My relatives kept giving out my address to my abusers, too. Without my consent. It's not a good thing to have happening.
So get a P.O. Box and if you receive something from somebody you don't want to hear from, just shred it or return to sender.
It protects you from people, by not allowing anyone to have your home address. Because I dunno about you but the reason I didn't want a few people in the family knowing my home address is because of personal safety reasons and unexpected "surprises" showing up at my doorstep. They can write letters all they want, I don't care, but I didn't want them knowing where I or my children lived.
And as far as your mom - she's not going to change. We either have to learn to live with them/accept them, or put some distance there. I put a lot of distance between me and my mom, and most of the time that works well. But you just have to figure out what works best for your situation.
Good luck. :) ((hugs))
St. Paul warned Christians about Sexual Misconduct, "Which even the Pagans don't tolerate!" (1Corinthians 5:1) Yet we let relatives and Priests get away with murder. Now our society is paying the price for such blatant betrayal of our most vulnerable members.