*the abusive parent was/is the probably the most bizarre mentally ill person...(I meant to write)

hopeinjoy:
Your story is SO overwhelming - I am so sorry you had to live with this in your life.
Hypersexuality is a common aftereffect of abuse. Many of us still deal with that aspect of our abuse. We were "conditioned" to see ourselves as sexual being first, human beings second. And this is especially true if the abuser was a parent. You have every reason to feel judgemental, and only a percentage of survivors ever move to forgiveness of their abuser. Many live with sheer hatred toward them, as many victims of any violence or injustice are unable to forgive.
But forgiveness is something that assists YOU, not the abuser. It is a stage of progress where the person no longer desires to be inspired by negative feelings of hatred or judgemental attitudes.
I don't know that forgiveness has to go hand in hand with understanding - I will never truly understand my first abuser - he was a true psychopath and as I, if anything have TOO much empathy, I cannot understand someone that had NO empathy for others.
And the self view of yourself changes and evolves with progress - it is not something you can force, but a result of the changes in your approaches and attitudes - and those change with the varying influences that we accept within our journey toward "healing".
Many of us have felt "I cant go one" at one time or another. But, in reality, you endured the actual abuse, and it is my belief that you can also survive the aftermath, with help, support and other interventions. Please do not give up. It can get better, but it takes time and much effort. And it is normal to get tired of trying and feeling that you are not progressing. But often this comes from the abuse itself, from the image that the abuser created for us to "wear". And often, when you feel you cannot go on, it is your body/mind saying that it is time to take a break. I found relaxation techniques very helpful at these time, and to understand that sometimes you have to quit searching and reaching in order for the progress you have made to sink in and make it's changes.
This is such a hard journey - please keep posting and let others here assist as possible. Seek help wherever you can find it - therapists, ministers, good friends, co-workers, relatives, medication - try every option. You never really know what will be the one thing that works until you have tried it. And the world is FULL of options that many of us have no idea are even out there.
All my best, keep strong and let us know where you are in your progress.
Refuse2quit

Thanks much for your response. :) Very helpful. I actually meant forgiveness of non-judgment toward myself.

Know that with 100% certainty you will get no judgement from the individuals within this group. What you went through sounds very much like the case with so many victims who experienced their first abuse experience under the age of 18 and have not been able to leave the control of their abusive parent yet. Noone in this group is going to condemn you for that hipeinjoy. Its typical grooming behaviour by your parent. Its all you have ever known! Your behaviour should never be held against you because you have just responded in a way which would insure your survival. So many of us have resorted to what ignorant people would consider insane behavior and yet we know within ourselves this behaviour leaves us feeling shame and in despair. Only a survivor would understand the degrees we would go to in order to survive. It is only in getting out of the abusive environment and doing many years of reflective therapy either by ourselves or preferably with a therapist that we are able to start changing the insane behavior that has allowed us to survive.

Yes, I have been sexually abused and tortured and such my childhood and it could have been up to the age of 18 years of age. I am remembering my repressed memories. I am married to a wonderful man and two beautiful children. I moved away from the area and now I feel save to remember and my wall is now down. I was fearful of men and how to react to them. I felt someone was after me and I could never get away from it . I was drugged and made to do what ever. I have gotten fibromyalgia and hemlipalegic migranes . I believe because of the extent of the abuse. I did not know how to react toward men with the exception of my husband. I was the cause of all the problems everywhere. But those were the lies and untruths and threats I have received. I am going to a Christian counselor . I get to work with horses. Very helpful. You have to learn how. If its how you were treated. I am learning to be a kid again and treating myself like a princess that I never felt like. I have pstd and getting your mind off of the abuse. I have gotten a happy meal at McDonalds. Bought crayons and coloring book and go for a walk. I just in the healing process for about a month. It is a scary and very hard process. I believe God is healing me more and more each day. You are special and you are understood!

I hope you can find it in your heart to give yourself an even break. I hear nothing in your story that says you deserve anything but compassion, and respect for getting through.
I have acted out sexually as an adult, in an overly sexualised way, for many years = from being raped as a small child. I felt compelled, much of the time. I have to forgive myself too, and I think I do. All the best