Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I finally went to see a therapist last week and I just spoke about some general family background, which did involve some abuse, but not really the reason I was there. So now, for the entire week I have everything running through my head, and stuff that wasn't even bothering me before. I always knew the way I grew up but I guess I had never actually thought about it, it was just there. It never scared me. And I guess now I am scared about talking about the reason I actually finally starting to see a therapist and I had to cancel, I did, cancel my my appointment. I don't think I could have that running through my head the way this stuff is, I have spent half my life running away from that. Something I have been running away from and never been able to speak about, how could I possibly go back and at some point discuss that when my head has been more crazy all week, about something that that didn't even bother me before. I don't know what I would be like if I started discussing that as well. I think my whole life would crumble and I wouldn't be able to do anything but think about that. Nothing else in my life would happen. I would be consumed.
Have you not been consumed by running away from that for "Half /your/ life?"
Sounds like you may be at a cross-roads--continue to run (cousin to denial) or to turn and face it.
Yes, you may be consumed by it at first--but this is just one stage of the healing journey that eventually passes.
Reading The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis may help you understand the stages and healing process.
I know the healing journey is scary. I know the work is an emotional landmine. And I know that there were times when I didn't want to do the work.
It took me awhile to understand that it's not really a question of whether or not I WANTED to do the work, but a question of whether I was WILLING to do the work.
I was willing to do the work even though I didn't want to. I went at my own pace, taking breaks when I needed to. And as I healed I learned how to love myself, how to self-soothe, and how to pick myself up after each fall.
I know it's hard to trust when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I also know there is no way out but through. So at your cross-roads asked yourself what you really want--a life on the run or deep connection to yourself.
I trust you will do what's best for you.
xx
SuzA
I know that it is really the scariest thing I have ever done. The things that go through my mind feel like it will drive me insane sometimes. I wonder how I can even go on. I feel like giving up because there is just so much to go through and feel.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and be easy on yourself. If you want to think about it for a while you will heal, if you need a break from thinking about it, take a break. No one says it will have to take a month or years to heal, it is up to you. And "up to you" means that you are taking care of yourself. No one is in control now except for you.
Gather up all your strength and remember there is a point where you will begin to feel better. All you need to do is look around here and you will find all the support you need.