i think that people love/desire who they will. it could be from your abuse, you could be bi-sexual, but either way is ok! love who and how you want and never let anyone tell you its wrong! just be careful of patterns of being with a certain type that can hurt you. blessed be to you

Thanks for responding loralp. I get inside my own head way too much on weekends. Lately I have been frustrated by knowing that I feel so emotionally close to woman but more attracted to men. Still I have just completely given up on being able to have a relationship with a man. I picked a male counselor in hopes I would be able to cultivate at least on healthy relationship with a male. Problem is I am oddly attracted to him too...kind of in a canoodling/ cuddly way but enough to make sessions awkward. He tells me not to get stuck in my own head. I try not to but it happens. I'm not sure if I should talk to him about the stupid crap rolling around my head.

I have been babbling....sorry

never worry about babbling! granted i worry about the same thing! i dont know how long you have been with your therapist, but he is someone you can tell your feelings. as far as your attraction to him, try not to act on them for now. just concentrate on your feelings about everything else going on and heal. you wont be able to work any relationship until your other issues have begun to heal. and they will. good luck love

It is possible you may just want some nurturing. As we are growing up we are told, via media, watching other families and from our own experience, that women are the nurturers in our society. Sometimes this is true and sometimes it is not true. But as you describe wanting to cuddle and wanting to play with their hair sounds very nurturing to me. Like you have a child part who just wants to be nurtured by 'mom'.

Of course, it is also possible you are bi-sexual and hopefully once you get further along in your healing process you will know which it really is. In the meantime, do what you need to do to feel safe, nurtured and loved - as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone around you.

Take care

Lucky,
I think that is it. It feels right. I never got snuggles and cuddles growing up. Just sexual touch and after the abuse that is how I interpreted any touch.

I consider my self Queer. Sometimes I feel Asexual sometimes I am into metro transvestite men. I blame it on my first crush Robert Smith of The Cure. It's weird ... I was born on the wrong continent technically, I should be in England... not in the United States. :(

There are only a few straight men in America I think are hot and they have to be well kept and extremely hot and ROMANTIC or I can't stand them. Women... I only feel like cuddling hugging with them because I get way too lonely for my own good. Like when you need a stuffed animal because you are isolated. I truly am cursed
:(

anneccleaver, that would be frustrating. I was around 30 before I really wanted sex. before that I didn't find anyone attractive.

Speaking of crushes my first 2 crushes were Alice Cooper and Edward Mulhare (as Captain Daniel Gregg) That kind of defies explanation.

I do not really know what to consider myself at times, so I just consider me to be me. I have had 2 women sexually. I don't really like women per say, but at the same time I do. I think about kissing them (its hard for me to kiss a man) and playing with the top half of them, nothing really more than that. I am not sure what drives us to want it, but there are times I see women and they stay in my mind for a long time, I catch myself thinking about them often, sometimes more than men. I have even talked about it with my boyfriend because he has asked me if I was bi before, I just tell him I really am not sure >.