Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Shamefull feelings that don't go away

eascusa
eascusa
Hi, I'm new to the group. My name is Ellen and I'm 33 years old. I have a question. All of my life I have felt guilty and shamefull. Just an underlying sick feeling. I know that I shouldn't but just knowing that it happened makes me feel gross and shamed. It's not something I can help or control inside. I know all of you know what I mean. My question is how do you get rid of it. I feel this way it in general about everything. all the time. But I think it stems from the abuse. Did anyone here go to therapy and feel better in the long run with all those yucky feelings deep inside or do you just live with it and act like a weirdo all your life? Talking about myself here only.And how do you deal being around men those times you have to when you get bad anxiety around them.Thank you for any advise

Ellen
deleted_user
deleted_user
hi Ellen, welcome to this group. it takes a lot of courage to ask for help sometimes, so kudos to you. i UNDERSTAND the guilt and shame. it's been around as long as i can remember as well. i don't know if survivors ever completely get rid of it, but i've heard that with therapy and practical exercises, it can be lessened. so hopefully you are in therapy, first off? secondly, i've often heard that our feelings stem from what we are/were immediately thinking before we start feeling a certain way. so, it stands to reason that if we change our thoughts, our feelings will follow. now, if you have negative thoughts to start with (that would be ME!) you'd have to change those first. try keeping an "Affirmation Journal" where you right at least TWO positive things about yourself EVERY OTHER day. on the in-between day maybe you can TELL yourself something, SAYING IT OUT LOUD, throughout the day. whenever you are feeling guilty or shameful try COUNTERING your negative thought with a positive one. say it out loud. xxoo
SuzA66
SuzA66
Ellen:

I was in therapy for years and it helped a lot. What was most helpful to me, however, were the abuse workshops I went to, the group therapy, and the bodywork I did (acupuncture, somatic experience, reiki, etc.)

And to answer you question, "...do you just live with it and act like a weirdo all your life?" the answer is NO. You do not just live with it, you get rid of it. And you can.

It takes commitment and work, but you can rid yourself of those "yucky feelings deep inside...."

I'm sorry, I can't answer your second question about getting "bad anxiety around /men/" but I bet a therapist could help you deal with that issue.

Don't settle for less than full healing because it is possible. You must go after it though.
xx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Welcome Ellen!

There is no need for you to walk around with those yucky feelings forever. I am in therapy and it's done wonders for many of the intense emotions I had, including shame and anxiety.

For me a lot of my shame dissipated once I joined group therapy and since I've joined DS. During my group therapy we explored the various responses to trauma and sexual abuse, shame was one of them. Meeting other survivors helped me to realize that I'm not the only one with experiences of sexual abuse. There are many women and men who have been through similar things and so I have nothing to be ashamed of. I didn't ask to be molested.

I am asking for healing though and I know I can get it and that I deserve it. So do you Ellen! It takes some hard intense work and there will be moments where you feel like you're worse than before you started therapy, but it's so worth it.