Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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shame

tazgore
tazgore
I have'nt posted here for a few weeks. ive been innondated by several other of lifes stresses. I had stuffed my emotions back in my back pocket, to take care of them, but today they forced their way back out.
The depression is worse now. i cant get the images out of my head!!
He got me lost in the woods when i was 6, and then broght me to a small pig farm. He told me the pigs would eat me if he didnt protect me. I just had to do some things for him...
I should have run, but i just did what i was told.
If i had only run away none of this would have happend. sure i would prabably have been lost for a few hours, but thats all. He told me what to do, and i did it. My skin feels like its crawling off my body.
I know its not my fault and yet i dont believe it. I feel so much shame. I dont think i'll get much sleep tonight. if anyone could just let me know that i'm not alone. It would help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Im really sorry for what you went through as a little boy. No matter what it was not your fault. Im sorry your feeling bad tonight, just try and be good to yourself. What happened doesnt make you a bad person at all. Its good that you are able to express yourself on here, your very brave and to get your feeling out is good. Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Often I see the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" statements here. At 6 years old, lost, threatened, probably with someone older that you trusted....look at a 6 year old sometime and see how truly young that is, see how much control you really could have had over the situation. My heart goes out to you. My abuse started earlier than 6, but I had some partial memories come back recently of some pretty traumatic stuff that happened to me when I was 6. And I was helpless as well. You are most certainly NOT alone!!! And neither am I anymore. Like I said, my heart goes out to you. Hugs & sending the best of dreams your way...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Often I see the "shoulda, coulda, woulda" statements here. At 6 years old, lost, threatened, probably with someone older that you trusted....look at a 6 year old sometime and see how truly young that is, see how much control you really could have had over the situation. My heart goes out to you. My abuse started earlier than 6, but I had some partial memories come back recently of some pretty traumatic stuff that happened to me when I was 6. And I was helpless as well. You are most certainly NOT alone!!! And neither am I anymore. Like I said, my heart goes out to you. Hugs & sending the best of dreams your way...
deleted_user
deleted_user
So sorry you were taken advantage of and hurt.
Its so easy to look back in hindsight and say..if only I did..if only i didnt..but we were just children and these were powerful adults manipulating us or threatening us. YOu were only 6 being threatened with eaten by pigs or getting lost in the woods. What child wouldnt do what you did to avoid that?
I hope in time you will believe its not your fault because the blame lies with the predator who hurt you.
all the best
jeanette474
jeanette474
I was abused at the age of 4 by my foster parent. You were an innocent 6 year old child. It never, ever was your fault, but as I did, I carried that shame for 40 years until I finally got help. At age of 9 I was then raped by a neighbor across the street. I was asked by my therapist to watch and observe children the age I was sexually abused. I did. I observed how innocent these children were. How could it ever be my fault. Fear will keep a child with the abuser. Fear is the factor here. A 6 year old does not have obstract thought, so they can not analize what is happening to them, only obey the older person. Please be gentle with yourself. Remember that 6 year old and the fear you felt at that age. Put all that shame on the abuser where it belongs. You are feeling the feelings of a 6 year old not the adult in you.
tazgore
tazgore
Thanks for the posts. i've been slowly feeling... better? numb? Anyway, less bad which i guess is a good thing. I've told myself that it wasnt my fault so many times, but i cant help but feel like i'm lieing. Its so easy for me to hear someone elses story and know that it was not their fault. Yet, i cannot seem to release myself of the blame.

Oh, btw. "he" was 14 years old at the time. Not an adult, but much bigger than me. I remember when he said that we should go explore the woods, i felt like it was so cool that an older kid thought that i was cool enough to hang out with.
I will never be rid of these images in my head. I don't know if i will ever be "ok" with them either. They are so humiliating.
grasshopper7
grasshopper7
i'm sorry what happen to you as well. i was six myself when the abuse started for me. the memories happen to me quite often for me especially when i started to address the issue. i think with a lot of hard work and with time i think the memories will start to fade away and you'll know how to cope with them better. it wasn't your fault. stay strong.
grasshopper7
grasshopper7
i'm not sure if you are a religious person but google Bible and humiliation (humility). humiliation is not a bad thing. it can help you through life. the Bible talks about how God humiliated himself for us. prayer can make you strong.
traymac
traymac
I'm sorry you went thru so much. You are not alone. Forgive that child within, the lost innocence.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am really sorry that you went through this. My heart goes out to you. You can send me a message or add me as a friend if you would like to. I hope that you are able to sleep tonight. Take Care. Dawn
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry that you feel this way. There are times even my emotions get the better of me and lately its seems most of the time. I think of the saying feelings are like the wind they change often. This sometimes helps me through the bad knowing that I will feel better eventually. It is not nice what he did to you and he had now right to do so
dds
dds
I feel the same way. I was sexually abused by my father and uncle. I am ashamed most of the time and blame myself. But I keep telling myself it wass not my fault. keep telling your self that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and it wasn't your fault this horrible thing happened to you. I am sorry for what happened to you.