Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I am really disturbed right now. Hearing about that assistant coach for a football team and him .... doing things to young boys at camp and getting away with it... it just makes me fucking sick.
Why do people have to be so hateful and disgusting? Why do people have to be such perverts?
I have been raped maybe 3 or 4 times. The first one put me in the hospital, then the ones that happened after that were because I was manic and had bad judgement, but still not consensual.
I feel weird about sex, I get angry. I just wrote a poem about how I'm feeling right now.
See, this is all coming out now because I just had sex with someone and it's really messing me up. He and I have been dating off and on since June. It was our final time hanging out because he was going to school and we had to either continue or end it and it's best to end it. But he kissed me and we .. made out or whatever. Then we talked about how we're done and we cried a little. Then he made us PB&J, then we went back in his room. He started to kiss me. Anyway kissing led to him taking my clothes off and that led to.. well... you know... He was very fast with his movements, too fast.. we were so not connected... and if it wasn't for his small penis I would have been in pain and a little traumatized. I felt so weird after.
The next day I was SOO tense my body was reacting in weird ways to how tense I was. I am still very tense and have been thinking about around the time I got raped the first time.
I am angry, and hurt. And I have no one to talk to about this.
Will I never be able to have healthy sex ever again?
I'm scared.
Why do people have to be so hateful and disgusting? Why do people have to be such perverts?
I have been raped maybe 3 or 4 times. The first one put me in the hospital, then the ones that happened after that were because I was manic and had bad judgement, but still not consensual.
I feel weird about sex, I get angry. I just wrote a poem about how I'm feeling right now.
See, this is all coming out now because I just had sex with someone and it's really messing me up. He and I have been dating off and on since June. It was our final time hanging out because he was going to school and we had to either continue or end it and it's best to end it. But he kissed me and we .. made out or whatever. Then we talked about how we're done and we cried a little. Then he made us PB&J, then we went back in his room. He started to kiss me. Anyway kissing led to him taking my clothes off and that led to.. well... you know... He was very fast with his movements, too fast.. we were so not connected... and if it wasn't for his small penis I would have been in pain and a little traumatized. I felt so weird after.
The next day I was SOO tense my body was reacting in weird ways to how tense I was. I am still very tense and have been thinking about around the time I got raped the first time.
I am angry, and hurt. And I have no one to talk to about this.
Will I never be able to have healthy sex ever again?
I'm scared.
I have problems with sex too. I think it's really quite normal for us--especially those with complex abuse and assault histories.
I had to go to the gyencologist this week, and when she put my feet in the stirrups, I started crying and panicking. She was very kind and asked my permission before she did everything. Sometimes I think that is what we need in a partner... someone who understands how to ask our permission, since so many of us have never had that.
I think, too, that treatment is really important. Understanding what this does to a person's sexuality and how to navigate that so we can feel in control.
Just hang in there and take care of yourself. It will come around eventually.
I tell myself I'm fine in situations like that but I'm really not fine and I feel violated. Even with my gynocologist I bite my tongue and tell myself it's going to be fine, but I always feel numb after.
Like right now and since last Thursday when that happened I feel a weird sensation down there like numb and pain at the same time. Trauma.
I'm constantly moving my hands, putting my fingers to my mouth and gazing off and having flashbacks and wanting to cry. Poetry helps, getting it out, ya know?
I need someone really gentle and understanding, though I won't have to think about it for now... I'm celibate as of today until I have healed enough to feel like I'm not filling a void with sex. I don't want it to hurt anymore. I'm hurt. I need to take time and heel.
Ugh, I feel sick about all this.
Thanks for telling me you understand.