Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I just want to get some other opinions out there. I am having a very hard time letting go of self blame for being raped. I understand that this is common, but my wife asked me a question that now has me questioning everything.
Fist, the basic circumstances of my rape are these: I lived in a rural area. my neighbor whom we all knew was the one who did it. On the day it happened I was 6 years old, and he and i decided to go out into the woods. I think i was away from the house for a few hours. This also happened in 1975 when people in a rural community were more trusting of each other.
Now the question my wife asked was, "Do you think it is fair for you (adult me) to blame that 6 year old child for the rape, and at the same time hold no blame whatsoever to your parents who did not question your absence for so long"?
I dont know... I really dont know. It is true that i dont blame my parents at all. But my wife points out that they let me wander around in the woods with someone we barley knew for hours on end without question. Then again it was rural 1975, no one was in that mind set of being 24/7 vigilant for your child.
Do my parents hold some blame?
Does it matter one way or the other?
If i do start down that road of assigning guilt to my parents whom i love... what does that do to my relationship with them?
Fist, the basic circumstances of my rape are these: I lived in a rural area. my neighbor whom we all knew was the one who did it. On the day it happened I was 6 years old, and he and i decided to go out into the woods. I think i was away from the house for a few hours. This also happened in 1975 when people in a rural community were more trusting of each other.
Now the question my wife asked was, "Do you think it is fair for you (adult me) to blame that 6 year old child for the rape, and at the same time hold no blame whatsoever to your parents who did not question your absence for so long"?
I dont know... I really dont know. It is true that i dont blame my parents at all. But my wife points out that they let me wander around in the woods with someone we barley knew for hours on end without question. Then again it was rural 1975, no one was in that mind set of being 24/7 vigilant for your child.
Do my parents hold some blame?
Does it matter one way or the other?
If i do start down that road of assigning guilt to my parents whom i love... what does that do to my relationship with them?
Too...Back then nobody thought little boys got sexually assaulted. Now we sorta-kinda know better as a society...and it still happens.
Your parents deserve...maybe a tiny smidge of blame. Maybe not even that.
When I was 4 a neighbor that my parents knew and I knew...lured me into his apartment and forced himself in my mouth.
At the time? Mom told me never to go in anyone's apartment without telling her.
I thought that's what happened to bad little girls, I was to blame.
... I wasn't responsible for that assault at 4.
I know this now.
So how can you hold your child self, at 6, responsible?
You were a first-grader. You didn't know anything.
That is what I believe the nice woman who married you is trying to get at.
Since you have a good relationship with your parents why ruin that. Have you talked to them about what happened. In doing so my hope would be that they support you in your struggle.
Reducing my own self blame has been difficult. I was completely disconnected from my child self..I physically hated her. My healing work was based in two stages really. Connecting to that child and also learning to nurture my compassionate side. I didnt see myself as a regular child..nurturing my ability to be compassionate and parental allowed me to see the child for what it was; a child.