Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I haven't been on here, in several days now. I think I finally have figured out, why I never heal. I have had things coming up, since I came on here and rather than deal with them, I run like hell. I have done that with my therapists, too. As soon as things start bubbling up, I run so I don't have to feel the pain any more. The problem is, I am tired of running. I KNOW that these things can't hurt me any more. I KNOW that I have been through the worst of it all. I KNOW that the people that abused me are DEAD. I know all of this, so why am I still running. Inside, I KNOW if I would just turn around and face the issues that it may all be over. What the hell is wrong with me??
Last year, I lost 98 lbs. I am an emotional eater, so this was a big thing for me. Now, in the last five mos. I have put 8 pounds back on. I am not hungry but my head is hanging in the refrigerator, constantly. My head says, "STOP", but I eat anyway. I am getting depressed again, as I feel I am on the downward slope, AGAIN. I want it all to STOP..
Last year, I lost 98 lbs. I am an emotional eater, so this was a big thing for me. Now, in the last five mos. I have put 8 pounds back on. I am not hungry but my head is hanging in the refrigerator, constantly. My head says, "STOP", but I eat anyway. I am getting depressed again, as I feel I am on the downward slope, AGAIN. I want it all to STOP..
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
I worked with my inner children and the theory behind this is that they are a piece of your soul who has remained behind and is still stuck in the trauma. Every time you become triggered it is one of your inner children who is in crisis because the trauma is being repeated. With this theory it does not always matter that we, as adults, KNOW that it's over because we have an inner child who KNOWS it's still happening.
I enjoyed working with my inner children because it helped me to connect back with me. It taught me to love me...something I have never done in my life. But this is only one method of healing - there are so many out there. Please find a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse (if you can) and start to fully heal. It will mean feeling all those feelings that you keep running from, and as scary as that is, it is worth it in the end. It would be nice if we could "just get over it" like so many people tell us to do but that is not possible. And if it were possible we all would have done it by now. Allow yourself to feel and you will heal. You CAN fully heal and you deserve to fully heal.
((hugs))
Have you tried calling the hotline at RAINN.org? I called them a few years ago and even though it had been 50 years since my abuse, they were so nice to me, and found me a free therapist through my local Victims Assistance Service. (Not every area has this.) A local women's shelter might also be able to point you towards resources.
I hear you.
xx
SuzA