Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I am reposting this thread due to an accidental deletion and at the request of members who had wanted to continue the conversation. Thanks to all the moderators for looking into this strange occurrence.
As a member of the RAINN Speaker's Bureau, I will be speaking at a college RAINN Day program previously scheduled for October 5 (now pending a new date due to logistical challenges) as well as a Take Back The Night event on 10/14 at another college. As part of my presentation, I plan to discuss common myths that survivors tend to be confronted with when they tell others about their abuse.
I'd like to hear from members about what you consider to be the worst myths you've been faced with during your healing.
Thank you to all who choose to participate. Also, for those of you who are members of Pandy's, the same thread is there at:
http://pandys.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=126620
As a member of the RAINN Speaker's Bureau, I will be speaking at a college RAINN Day program previously scheduled for October 5 (now pending a new date due to logistical challenges) as well as a Take Back The Night event on 10/14 at another college. As part of my presentation, I plan to discuss common myths that survivors tend to be confronted with when they tell others about their abuse.
I'd like to hear from members about what you consider to be the worst myths you've been faced with during your healing.
Thank you to all who choose to participate. Also, for those of you who are members of Pandy's, the same thread is there at:
http://pandys.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=126620
"is the past let it go" Is very important to understand the past to be able to heal.
"stop feeling angry" Anger and rage are both a STAGE in the process of healing.
YES, it is possible to work through it and get to a point where it doesn't rule every moment of your life. It is even possible to get to a point where you go weeks/months/years or perhaps even decades without it bothering you. And in many cases that's 'Good enough'.
But is a person ever 100% "over it"? Can the clock be turned back so that it's like it never happened? Can a person get to a point to where they'll NEVER again have a memory of it come back and give them a bad time ? I'm skeptical. I believe it is a myth to think you can get this far; I've met too many who at a certain point in their lives thought they were 'over it' and then later on a trigger causes them to deal with it all over again.
its the past - ergh
the suns shining, come off your meds - ok then
i thought you were over this - yeh you know me
your over reacting - no im not
theres so many
I copied all the myths down the first time around and will put them back on in case you didn't get them because of the technical wipe out.
1. Response, "Are you sure?" when perpetrator is upstanding community member.
2. What took you so long to tell?
3. You were an adult, why didn't you stop it?
4. The beliefs we were taught as children will 'magically' change when we become adults.
5. If you were abused you will abuse.
6. Just let it go.
7. If you didn't stop it you must have wanted it.
8. You let it happen.
9. Time heals all wounds
10. Abuse makes you a homosexual
11. Forgiveness makes everything ok
12. Women don't abuse.
13. That was your past, you're an adult now.
14. You can't grow boundaries.
15. Not believing that memories can be buried for years.
16. Survivors will never be 'normal'
17. All that you're going to be is formed in the first 5 years of your life.
18. You must have solid memories of abuse for it to be considered real; inner knowing and body memories don't count.
19. There must be something wrong with you.
20. You must have asked for it.
21. You should have fought back, I would have.
22. You are a pathetic worthless person to have gotten abused.
23. Your life is ruined.
24. The abuse is your fault.
25. Talk therapy is all you need.
26. The memories will eventually go away.
27. You're crazy.
28. Life will heal you.
29. I can heal by myself; I don't need others.
30. I'm the only one in my family this happened to.
31. I'm flawed.
32. It happened long ago, why are you still carrying it around?
33. The number one myth for me, jlandrith, and unfortunately believed by most, is that you'll always be wounded to some degree. I disagree.
No, the clock cannot be turned back as if it never happened. We will never be able to change our history, but we can move forward into healing so deep it will be "as if it never happened."
Healing, like abuse, runs on a continuum. Deep, deep healing resides at the end of that continuum. It is there that we discover that we are more than the abuse. It's a long, hard journey, but one worth making.
Survivors in transition to becoming thrivers know intuitively there is more to life than surviving it. Survivors not quite there yet, take heart and keep healing; you're worth it.
xxx