Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Ok ive got a question, but i'm not sure exactly how to put it in words, so i'll tell a little story first.
My wife and her friend were talking a couple of weeks ago. Her friend was talking about a bunch of idle things and then she just mentioned that she had been sexually abused as a child. It was not said as a revelation. She simply used the info to help make an example. She was not upset about it, My wife said that she might as well had said that the sky was blue for all of the emotion that she put into the statment. My wife did not tell her friend about my abuse, but she told me about the story when she got back.
I guess my question is aimed somewhere at recovery. This lady, in my opinion, had obviously recoverd fully to be able to mention something like that openly and just in idle conversation.
Ive been stressing over trying to tell the rest of my family (father, sisters). My therapist says that should not just try to tell people becouse i feel obligated. I should think about how it will benifite me in my recovery. And then i think about my wife's friend. She is able to talk about it openly with anyone. Is that ablility a mesure of recovery? I mean it was hard enough telling the 4 people i knew. I cant even begen to think about telling one of my friends.
Am i trying to get to the end of the recovery road to fast? I am just very frustrated with myself. Why am i still so ashamed of what happend? I mean i know that its not my fault. But when i think about telling someone... the gut wrenching fear that comes over me tells me that mabey i still dont believe that its not my fault.
My wife and her friend were talking a couple of weeks ago. Her friend was talking about a bunch of idle things and then she just mentioned that she had been sexually abused as a child. It was not said as a revelation. She simply used the info to help make an example. She was not upset about it, My wife said that she might as well had said that the sky was blue for all of the emotion that she put into the statment. My wife did not tell her friend about my abuse, but she told me about the story when she got back.
I guess my question is aimed somewhere at recovery. This lady, in my opinion, had obviously recoverd fully to be able to mention something like that openly and just in idle conversation.
Ive been stressing over trying to tell the rest of my family (father, sisters). My therapist says that should not just try to tell people becouse i feel obligated. I should think about how it will benifite me in my recovery. And then i think about my wife's friend. She is able to talk about it openly with anyone. Is that ablility a mesure of recovery? I mean it was hard enough telling the 4 people i knew. I cant even begen to think about telling one of my friends.
Am i trying to get to the end of the recovery road to fast? I am just very frustrated with myself. Why am i still so ashamed of what happend? I mean i know that its not my fault. But when i think about telling someone... the gut wrenching fear that comes over me tells me that mabey i still dont believe that its not my fault.
I understand your frustration, but please don't rush into disclosure just because you think that is the way to heal. You have opened up to your wife and your therapist and that in itself is a huge step forwards. Please do not stress yourself over whether to tell or not - if the thought itself is stressful then you are not ready to talk about it and that is fine. You are healing at your own pace and trying to compare yourself with someone else is not helpful. Work on losing the guilt and self blame - these are the HUGE issues which bedevil any survivor and you will be able to talk about it when you are ready. You can talk to me anytime and i promise to listen and not to judge you. Hugs, Viv XX
I had started to think that maybe out of all of the people that i personally know, she would be the one person that i could talk to about this. I mean out of everyone that i know she would be the one to get it. she would understand. But if like some of you suggest, she might not have healed, she might just be reaching out. If that is the case, then just me mentioning it would demonstrait a broken trust between her and my wife. I dont want to do that.
Not sure what to do now.
But thanks for the new point of view. I'd rather know the possibilities ahead of time than blunder in and hurt someone.