Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I recently told my boyfriend about my trust issues with men. I just realized these issues. He began lecturing me about what I should do and is pushing me to get closer. I'm starting to resent him. I am going to push back and tell him I need my space to deal with this. I can't get pass a certain part in a relationship. I can't get closer to him. That's the part that he doesn't get. Can anyone relate? What can I do to get pass this? Suggestions welcomed...
So it sounds like a classic case of you being a female and him being a male. I know that can be totally frustrating.
It can be hard when he's pushing you to get closer, but if you're clear that you're not available for that, it's okay that you're not available for that.
Don't force yourself into something that doesn't feel good. This is an important time for you to really take care of yourself. That means being gentle with yourself.
Either talk to him some more and see if he's willing to give you the space that you want...or be willing to end the relationship (or change it) so that you can have the space to take care of yourself.
This has been my experience, and it is brand new to me that I got BEYOND that struggle u r having. So I may not have helped, but this is my experience.
It's natural for the ones that love you to want to fix what hurts....especially, boyfriends...husbands...ect. They Often don't understand why they can't. Why their love isn't enough. I have heard the "why can't you just stop thinking about it" before and my response was because it's a part of who I am right now...and if I stop thinking about that...I stop thinking about me....I ended that relationship. I realized at that time I was not ready to be in a relationship. It was not fair to me or them. I was not able to give them what they wanted...nor was I able to give myself what I needed in a relationship. Up to that point I was divorced already...and in and out of several relationships...
What I needed was a relationship with myself....I needed to be able to love and TRUST myself first before I could ever even think about loving or trusting someone else...I'm not saying you should leave....I'm just saying thats what I did. I needed to travel my journey of healing for the most part alone. (I had counselors and friends and family) I just couldn't be stretched so thin...that I could include another person in my life. It would of been selfish...
I wanted to be able to offer someone my WHOLE self...I wanted to be a happy person first...and not try find happiness from someone else (doesn't work)
Perhaps if you could explain to him how you are REALLY feeling inside...and tell him you need your space...if he loves you he will do as you ask...give you the time you need...HOW EVER LONG it takes...honesty from you is the key...he will either accept it or he won't...but you need to focus on you....tell him the truth...the raw truth about how you feel inside about him pushing you and let the cards fall where they will...
Love and Trust go hand in hand...you cannot have one without the other...not when its a life partner you are seeking. He will either TRUST and love you enough to give you your space...or he won't.
Be honest with him and be honest with yourself...
I know it's hard...but you have to look out for you...because like you said he doesn't seem to understand...only you do...only you know what you need...only you can do what needs to be done for yourself...
((hugs))
stardust