I do not think that is not necessarily the best idea. Don't push yourself into doing it just because you think that what you ought to do. finding a counselor who deals with sexual abuse. If you suffer from post tramatic stress. I suffer from this which makes it hard to be in any situation. I have am learning deep breathing and talking about why I am feeling that way and going back and owning the feelings. I would find a counselor that deals with your problem. It is your choice and I will pray you make the right choice. I work with a counselor and one that works with horses. It is very helpful for me and helps me to problem solve and the horses are very therapeutic, they are sensitive to your needs also. I love it.

Sugarbear75, Thank you for your response. I don't really feel as though I would be pushing myself to do it I just wasn't sure if the my theory that it may improve my interactions with men is a valid one. As far as finding a counselor that deals with my problem, I'm not sure there is specific problem. I have been diagnosed as having PTSD as well as a possibility of bipolar, then there are the times of major depressive disorder. I'm just a bundle of things...lol. Monday thru Friday 8 to 4 I function pretty well. Then there are the weekends I don't get dressed or shower. The weeks when i am hypersexual, the times i can't pull myself out of a fantasy world, yeah well...anyway... Hey it is great that you are working with horses. They are majestic beasts and sensitive to people.

As a male therapist, I'd say it is a very valid idea. I have had many female clients with similar issues to you, and all of those who have commented on it (and those i have asked) have said that having a male therapist has really helped, even if they were apprehensive of it at first.

The therapy relationship is a real relationship and can be properly and appropriately used to model other relationships, to learn new ways of relating and challenge old ways of being.

As for finding a counsellor who deals with your problem, as you said that's not always clear cut as, frequently, there isn't one problem. Yes, if you're looking for help with a specific issue such as rape, abuse or trauma, it can help to find either a counsellor who works in that area specifically or a general counsellor with a lot of experience. Any highly experienced general therapist will have worked with these issues many times before.

In short, trust yourself and your instinct. If your instinct is to draw to a male practitioner, go for it. The whole theory behind person-centred therapy is that you intrinsically know what you need. Follow your intuition.

Thank you, drbeaker.

Personally for just the reasons you stated it's a good idea especially if you've never had a positive and healthy relationship with a man. It may seem counter intuitive at first ...but if you think about it, it makes sense. Chances are your fear and lack of trust issues will always remain until you're able to stop unconsciously carrying the belief that ALL men are the same and are unworthy of trust. If the male therapist is good, competent and experienced with working with survivors and you have the right "chemistry" and rapport you can work out a lot of old issues while at the same time as you say..."develop a positive" relationship with a male..

But regardless of which gender you chose, I recommend seeing and interviewing many before deciding. No matter how skilled a therapist is if the rapport and chemistry isn't right, it goes no where. I too am in the field and can tell you a certain amount of luck is required as IMHO a high percentage of therapists are marginal at best and a higher percentage than you'd think are not only not competent but potentially harmful.
Although I do think getting into therapy with a good male therapist could be very beneficial...a good, well trained female therapist with whom you have the right chemistry is superior to a male therapist marginally competent where rapport and chemistry is not nearly as good.
Lastly, trust your gut and instincts, no matter who you choose, if after a number of sessions you don't feel the person's the right fit for for you, again trust your instincts, cut your losses and move on to someone else as it;s unlikely to change. However don;t confuse "being nice" or "supportive" as being competent and good. On some level we all know whether we're gaining something from the therapy experience. Feeling acceptance and support are givens but sometimes leaving feeling some discomfort often means your in the right situation. If you always walk out feeling good chances are little work is being done. Good luck with whomever you end up with

sadave46, thank you for your input. You have a very good point when you say to not to confuse being nice and supportive with being good and competent. The last therapist I saw ( a woman) was about 3 or 4 years ago and that was the situation. I liked her, I felt she liked me and she listened but after 6 months of 2 sessions a month I just felt no different from where I had started. I just stopped going. Though a couple of times it seemed like she had her own issues with men. Maybe it was my imagination.

I've been in and out of therapy for over 25 years. I'm a male and I currently have a female therapist who I think is wonderful. Usually my sessions are pretty intense and take me a while to process. I've had a total of 7 therapists and 2 pdocs counting my current therapist and pdoc. I've had 4 male therapists and 3 female therapists, 1 male pdoc and 1 female pdoc. I could not tolerate any of the male therapist is, one of the female therapists was not experienced with my issues. The other female therapists were and are wonderful. My current therapist specializes in adults abused as children. The other specialized in incest survivors. I know my issues with male therapist is that most of my abusers were male and I think 3 of them were bad.

Trust your instincts in choosing the therapist, too. If you're sensing someone has there own unresolved issues, or their own agenda, you're probably right.

"interviewing" many therapists has it's own problems as it's difficult to engage during an "interview" session so you don't really see the therapist as they are, and your story becomes even more "rehearsed material" so the therapist doesn't really see you either. it usually takes 2-3 sessions to establish any real depth.

However, if you have a bad feel about a therapist during the first session or two, or they seem nice but that's it, maybe it's a good idea to look elsewhere. If a previously good therapeutic relationship starts to feel dry or stuck, however, talk about it with the therapist and it's often significant.

My advice really is trust yourself and follow your instinct, especially if your inner voice is saying, "no". It's rarely wrong, and, the odd time it may be, you're better safe than sorry.

Thanks for the advice drbeaker. I have learned to trust my instincts over the years. Right now I am upset with myself for waiting this long to start looking for a therapist because so far i am having trouble finding someone taking new clients. I do worry about my story coming off as being rehearsed because I have told it so many times.....sometimes I still just disassociate myself from the whole thing. I won't go into the whole story here ( I have started writing my story in my journal) but when my husband died suddenly 5 years ago it sent me into a tailspin. For almost 2 years after I put myself in a parallel situation to my childhood abuse. Something just broke in me and panic attacks and acting out sexually took over. The worst part of it was that it took me so long to see what i was doing. When I began to come out of the tailspin I began seeing a female therapist to sort out the crap storm I had just been through. She was the one I mentioned earlier...nice but not effective. Since them I have kept my head down and licked my wounds. Now i feel i am ready to move towards the life i deserve.

I feel you're making the right choice for the right reasons. Myself, I feel more comfortable talking with a woman, thus I try to seek out a male counsellor to work through similar issues that you have, but around here they (male counsellors) are very rare.
You seem to know yourself well, know what you want out of life and have no apprehension in achieving your goals. With your positive attitude, I know you will find what your looking for. Keep up the great work! Hugs, Blaine

Thank you WalkinBuffalo! I have my full steam ahead days and then I have my other days :-)

my therapist is a woman. I was molested and therefore it is hard to be around men. I suggest you find a woman therapist because a male one might trigger you

Congrats on your progress and continuing to move forward! It sounds like you try to work on your coping skills when life evolves. I don't think your idea is far fetched. You seem to be aware of yourself with some trial and error over time. Dysfunctional childhoods hinder coping skills I think. I know myself how I revert to what I did as a child. My husband included. My husband is a survivor although he can't discuss it with a therapist he does work hard at daily functioning and overcoming issues.

Livingdeadkitty, 2 of my abusers were men and even though I'm a male I cannot tolerate being in a group of only men. I think the most profound incident was when I was abused by a councilor at the YMCA. In junior high and high school, I would get sick every time I had gym and go to the nurse's office. No one ever asked why.

I had my first session this afternoon. It was with a male therapist. It went ok. Too soon to tell if we are a good fit but it looks promising. I spent 45 minutes spewing out all the things that have been swirling around in my head the past few months and some of my history. It seemed to come out all in a rush. Like I was terrified of the silence.
Livingdeadkitty, I guess my question was, If I want to address my issues with men is it a valid idea to think that I should work with a male therapist? In some sense I want and expect to be triggered. Those emotions are the ones I need to deal with. I told him that was my plan and he checked to see if I was comfortable ie, was he sitting too close? Was I close enough to the door? How did I feel ? Overall I think it was a good start.