Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I am wondering if anyone can relate to this situation.
I am an educated woman, I finished my undergrad with a high GPA, I am currently of the way finished with my masters degree, of which I have a 4.0, I have taught special education, worked one on one with children in their homes, worked in an office, and worked for myself at home. In a situation where I am serving or helping someone else who I perceive as an equal to me, I thrive. As soon as there is a power differential whatsoever I go into fight/flight mode and vacillate back and forth between the two as the situation plays out. My body gets weird, hands freeze, muscles tense up, my voice shakes even though I am typically very outspoken and confident, and things like this. For all of my years in therapy, I have never once been presented with any kind of technique or method of handling this that is practical and can be used in an instant. If you have I would be so appreciative if you might share with me what has worked for you.
Ok, so I mentioned I am working on my masters degree, well I am doing so from home and have not been technically working for about the past six months. My husband and I talked about it and we agreed that it would be good for me to get a job outside of the house, for an occasional change of scenery. I went to a local video rental store and put in an application and the very young manager gave me an interview date within thirty seconds. Heres where it gets weird.
I went to the interview and she sat us down in the very middle of the store, customer were walking past and could hear anything we said. She seemed to rush the interview, and to me, asked really generic and lame questions like; who is your greatest mentor (I said many people, but my greatest would be myself), why did you decide to go for your masters degree concentration (well that is personal and I told her as much and then just decided to say that I was inspired to due to experiencing a traumatic event) [why the f@#% should I have to be triggered just sitting in an interview with this little tart who doesnt know crumb about life?]. I am a very honest person and I am not going to make something up just to get through an interview. If its not an authentic experience then I am not interested in having it. I digress, the interview got really weird when she mentioned my teaching experience and office work and nanny and tutoring experience and then asked me why I wanted to work there, it just felt like an extremely loaded question- I told her the truth that I wanted a chance to get out of the house. She also asked me if I was attending the local junior college for my schooling, I had graduated that school over ten years ago and she would have known that had she read my application. So that was weird.
My main point is, on the outside it probably went fine, but on the inside I felt like I was having to compromise myself and that she had all the power in the situation. Well these feelings got so bad that earlier today while I was studying I got the urge to call the corporate headquarters for this store and inquire about whether or not they train their managers to do the interviews right out in the middle of the store. That phone call was wretched, the woman argued with me that if I didnt tell her which store she was I wouldnt be able to speak to someone. All total bureaucratic garbage, once speaking to me and answering my questions, then I will decide if I want to tell them where this all occurred. It was one more thing held over my head as control over the situation. You would think with how many people have experienced rape and assault that these idiots in corporate jobs would be drained in how to diffuse a situation and not how to be icy cold.
So basically I want to go to that store and take back my resume and application and revoke our membership because of that experience. I am needing help processing this event because I feel like some healing can come of it. Thanks for reading this whole thing!
I am an educated woman, I finished my undergrad with a high GPA, I am currently of the way finished with my masters degree, of which I have a 4.0, I have taught special education, worked one on one with children in their homes, worked in an office, and worked for myself at home. In a situation where I am serving or helping someone else who I perceive as an equal to me, I thrive. As soon as there is a power differential whatsoever I go into fight/flight mode and vacillate back and forth between the two as the situation plays out. My body gets weird, hands freeze, muscles tense up, my voice shakes even though I am typically very outspoken and confident, and things like this. For all of my years in therapy, I have never once been presented with any kind of technique or method of handling this that is practical and can be used in an instant. If you have I would be so appreciative if you might share with me what has worked for you.
Ok, so I mentioned I am working on my masters degree, well I am doing so from home and have not been technically working for about the past six months. My husband and I talked about it and we agreed that it would be good for me to get a job outside of the house, for an occasional change of scenery. I went to a local video rental store and put in an application and the very young manager gave me an interview date within thirty seconds. Heres where it gets weird.
I went to the interview and she sat us down in the very middle of the store, customer were walking past and could hear anything we said. She seemed to rush the interview, and to me, asked really generic and lame questions like; who is your greatest mentor (I said many people, but my greatest would be myself), why did you decide to go for your masters degree concentration (well that is personal and I told her as much and then just decided to say that I was inspired to due to experiencing a traumatic event) [why the f@#% should I have to be triggered just sitting in an interview with this little tart who doesnt know crumb about life?]. I am a very honest person and I am not going to make something up just to get through an interview. If its not an authentic experience then I am not interested in having it. I digress, the interview got really weird when she mentioned my teaching experience and office work and nanny and tutoring experience and then asked me why I wanted to work there, it just felt like an extremely loaded question- I told her the truth that I wanted a chance to get out of the house. She also asked me if I was attending the local junior college for my schooling, I had graduated that school over ten years ago and she would have known that had she read my application. So that was weird.
My main point is, on the outside it probably went fine, but on the inside I felt like I was having to compromise myself and that she had all the power in the situation. Well these feelings got so bad that earlier today while I was studying I got the urge to call the corporate headquarters for this store and inquire about whether or not they train their managers to do the interviews right out in the middle of the store. That phone call was wretched, the woman argued with me that if I didnt tell her which store she was I wouldnt be able to speak to someone. All total bureaucratic garbage, once speaking to me and answering my questions, then I will decide if I want to tell them where this all occurred. It was one more thing held over my head as control over the situation. You would think with how many people have experienced rape and assault that these idiots in corporate jobs would be drained in how to diffuse a situation and not how to be icy cold.
So basically I want to go to that store and take back my resume and application and revoke our membership because of that experience. I am needing help processing this event because I feel like some healing can come of it. Thanks for reading this whole thing!
I agree that conducting an interview in the middle of the store is very unprofessional and uncalled for. This woman, in my opinion, has no experience interviewing anyone and may have even been intimidated by you. There may have been a power struggle in that interview that you were not aware of.
But aside from trying to figure out what she was doing or not doing the fact is that authority figures are a trigger for you and, again my opinion, no matter how much education you have or experience working in a certain field you have, you will still have an issue with people in authority over you. It is very possible this goes back to the abuse or perhaps your home life. Hopefully you are working with a therapist so you can remember the cause of this and heal it.
I commend you for calling the corporate office and complaining. You asserted your own power (authority) in this situation and stood up for yourself by saying an injustice was done - just as they were done to you in the past. My feeling is that YES healing will come of this situation because your inner children can now see that you will stand up for and protect them and yourself. That to me is growth.
Great job!
It was so awkward on the phone and I even scolded the person for not even attempting to make a connection with me as I tried to explain my situation.
I am more than 100% certain she thought I was insane, even though this was one of the more calm outbursts of my PTSD to date. I used to scream at people and get all kinds of crazy deep in the throes of trigger.
1) You managed to do the interview with someone who was obviously not trained to interview
2) You stood up for yourself (this is HUGE)
3) You managed your anger in a difficult situation
I hope you can see past the incompetence on their end and see how wonderful you handled everything!
Truly thank you very much!
I also want to add that the reason you may not have had to scream at these people is because you stood in your own power. Our own power gives us strength....a strength that can be felt in our core...a strength that says "Hey! I'm right! And don't treat me that way!"
I love that power!