Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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skad 03/08/2010

Hi, I have been a member for a while, but I don't post often unless I don't know what else to do. Just a little history........I was sexually abused by my father, and I am working through it. The other night, my roommate was having some fun with her boyfriend and it woke me up from a sound sleep. I tried everything I could to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. And I couldn't drown out the sexual noises I heard. I can't even descirbe to you how distrurbing it was for me. It just reminded me of the abuse and I feel so stupid. I was so disgusted and just sick to my stomach. This happened Saturday night and the next day I had a very hard time coping. I cried almost all day and then I couldn't go back home, I stayed at a friend's house. I know I can't not go home because of this, but I'm just really having a hard time right now. Has this ever happened to anyone here? Has something like that ever triggered your memories of the abuse you suffered? I just feel so alone and I don't know what to do. I have been having urges to cut and I really don't want to, as I have been working hard at quitting that disgusting habit. Any comments would help. Thank you for listening.

deleted_user 03/08/2010

I see the pain in your words, and I'm really sorry. It sounds like your roommate is horribly inconsiderate. No one likes to be subjected to that, regardless of their past. A similar situation has happened to me at some point in the past, and I know of many other people who this has happened to as well. You're not stupid. Your roommate, on the other hand, sounds like a dolt. Be safe. It's up to you what actions you take, even though it's not easy to avoid those memories and the hurt that comes with them. So, you don't have to cut. It's completely in your power not to do it. I hope your roommate will get a clue and stop being so rude.

deleted_user 03/09/2010

I know how you feel.... That has happened to me. I was numb for a long time and didn't even think about it for years but when I started having sex or was exposed to it , I got disgusted and memories plague me. I cried at weird times like when driving. I still do. It sounds like you are in the crisis stage so this is the perfect time to see a therapist. Crying is not bad and feeling fit yourself is not eaither. You are now feeling what the child in you felt.....but sometimes I bet the pain may be too intense. You need to talk about it. I'm sorry that thus happened to you . You are not stupid.... At times I feel crazy cuz I get so insecure with things others don't but I know why I feel that way. I really think you should get help with dealing with this. I know of others who have and it really helps. Nothing will take away what happened to you but you can get the pain and anger out of your system which will make every day eaiser.

deleted_user 03/09/2010

Dear Skad

First of all, you are not stupid. I agree with the others that your roomate was extremely insensitive. If it were me I might just mention it , that it kept you awake and maybe depending on her personality she will nip it in the bud.

This happened to me while I was visiting with my cousin and her husband. They invited me down to the lake to stay on their houseboat. While I enjoyed it during the day, in the evening they drank until drunk (I don't drink) and proceeded to have sex and make enough noise that the people in other boats around us could've heard it. Then to top it off, her husband got up and got milk and ate and cookies in his underwear in front of me. I put a pillow over my head to try to avoid it. I left the next day but couldn't shake the way I felt for weeks. It brought back all of the memories of being abused and I felt "dirty".

Counseling is a must as far as the way I think, and this IS the perfect time for you to seek it.

My good thoughts are headed your way.

Hugs

Terri

skad 03/09/2010

Thanks guys for the reassurance and good advice. I am currently in counseling and trying hard to deal with everything. I have called my counselor, but am still waiting to hear back from her. I appreciate all the responses. Have a good day. :o)

deleted_user 03/09/2010

that hasnt happened to me fortunately but I think hearing people making love would be uncomfortable at the least for anyone. I think it is really inconsiderate of your roomate to do such things while you are in the same room.
Can you talk to her and tell her that you heard her and her bf and it made you uncomfortable and from now on can she go somewhere else or at least arrange with you so you can stay at a friends for that night or something.
this really isnt fair on you and you must do what is best for yourself and that may mean finding a new room mate or other living arrangements.

deleted_user 03/09/2010

I was also abused by my father by the way so if you ever want to talk to me about it, your welcome to.
all the best with your healing journey

deleted_user 03/09/2010

I'll probably get reamed for this, but I seriously doubt your roommate realized you could hear them. I don't think that having sex with her boyfriend makes her insensitive or rude. Chances are, if you talk to her and let her know your history and how hearing those things make you feel, she'll go out of her way to have sex at his place or to be more quiet in the future.

deleted_user 03/09/2010

fair enough, beach. touche.

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