Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
From a young age I was in and out of hospital having tests, I had stomach problems all my life.
All my life I've had this vague but uncomfortable memory, I've always kept it back but when it surfaces I feel sick in the pit of my stomach.
I was about 8 when the paediatrican came to our home, did exam in my parents bed of my rectum but recollection of this it felt wrong and I felt it was wrong. My back was to this man the whole time he lay next to me like he was in the bed.
I remember at one point the door opening ajar and my mother looking in, then it stopped.
Since the birth of my kids I've been remembering this more and questioning. I don't know why now but I also came out of a bad abusive relationship too so have suffered quite a bit of trauma.
Today I spoke to my mother the first time about this, I felt sick and nervous. She got very defensive about it but agreed she thought something was wrong, she also said she thought she was with me the whole time but it's not as I remember.
Shortly after we started discussing this she then started saying how she was going to tell all the relatives she was a bad person. She was crying and started saying what everyone was going to say about it. I told her I didn't wish other people to know and that I didn't blame her but wanted to talk about it.
It kind of spiralled into her being hysterical and kind of blaming me for bringing it up, I was shocked but alarmed because she made out she was going to kill herself. I said I wouldn't discuss it with her any more, about ten minutes later she was singing in the kitchen and doing housework like I never talked to her about it.
I feel alone completely and like no one believes me, I don't know why my mother reacted so badly to this but I know the memory is there in my mind. I feel very depressed most of the time.
All my life I've had this vague but uncomfortable memory, I've always kept it back but when it surfaces I feel sick in the pit of my stomach.
I was about 8 when the paediatrican came to our home, did exam in my parents bed of my rectum but recollection of this it felt wrong and I felt it was wrong. My back was to this man the whole time he lay next to me like he was in the bed.
I remember at one point the door opening ajar and my mother looking in, then it stopped.
Since the birth of my kids I've been remembering this more and questioning. I don't know why now but I also came out of a bad abusive relationship too so have suffered quite a bit of trauma.
Today I spoke to my mother the first time about this, I felt sick and nervous. She got very defensive about it but agreed she thought something was wrong, she also said she thought she was with me the whole time but it's not as I remember.
Shortly after we started discussing this she then started saying how she was going to tell all the relatives she was a bad person. She was crying and started saying what everyone was going to say about it. I told her I didn't wish other people to know and that I didn't blame her but wanted to talk about it.
It kind of spiralled into her being hysterical and kind of blaming me for bringing it up, I was shocked but alarmed because she made out she was going to kill herself. I said I wouldn't discuss it with her any more, about ten minutes later she was singing in the kitchen and doing housework like I never talked to her about it.
I feel alone completely and like no one believes me, I don't know why my mother reacted so badly to this but I know the memory is there in my mind. I feel very depressed most of the time.
However you are believed here, cared for here, supported here. If you can find a therapist, someone to work through these with. I know mine is not paid enough. Be gentle with you. Take heart you are not alone. Gentle hugs.
YOU know it happened, so don't let anyone try and make you feel guilty for believing it. It's not about anyone else, or what the friends or neighbors might think. YOUR feelings matter the most here. It happened to YOU.
People don't like to think of children being brutalized like this and I'm sure, especially for your mother, it's easier to just pretend it never did.
I'm sorry you were hurt. There are too many people on here that been through similar horrors. You will find a lot of support here. I hope you are able to talk about everything with your mother but be prepared for her not to be able to accept it, and to only worry about herself and what everyone else will think.
That's tough to deal with when you need her, or anyone, to listen and believe you but that's one of the biggest problems abuse survivors have to contend with; people assuming that we're lying, or that the abuser just couldn't do something so nasty and vile to a small child.
I wish you the very best.
I was also sexually abused by a pediatrician.
Also, my one friend lives in another state and his coworkers daughter was raped by her pediatrician.
This is not your fault. Your mother should not have reacted that way. I'm sorry she did. Obviously she knew it was wrong and did not report it or do anything to get you help. So, she probably feels guilty for what she let happen.
That is no excuse for her though. Can you seek help for this? Also, you can still report what he did if you wanted to.
In many ways just having spoken about it in here has lifted a burden from me, I replied to find out more about the paedtrician but it's very difficult as my memory is very hazy and I only have his surname. It's left me with a sense of shame about myself, I've had two abusive relationships in my life and in both I was sexually abused.
But the emotional manipulation is her halmark. If any of us kids say anything negative about something she might have done even in a nonconfrontal way she will go to tears, isolate basically make you pay. When I refused to let her see my kids she decided to stop talking and threatened suicide to my brother. It took me along time to realize what she was doing. She also never apologizes for anything. She has some sorta disorder I just don't know what it is. But for the most part she can be the nicest person ... Not being able to protect your child placing them in harm's way and putting yourself before others safety. That's not a mother. I've had more harm from my mom than the abuse sad to say but her failures have hurt worst and they make no logical sense what so ever. I don't have contact with her now and although I miss the nice side your post rang true to the other side that to me is unacceptable.