me too. missed out on that as a kid.

This is very normal for any person and especially children. Most of us missed out on this as children. And for some, when any type of nurturing happened, it was only during illness or something catastrophic.

During my healing process I found I really wanted to be nurtured by my mother. But as an adult I am not going to go to my mother for nurturing - plus I was so furious with her and I couldnt stand talking to her so nurturing wouldnt work. So, I learned to nurture myself. I worked with each of my inner children and nurtured them, loved them and hugged them. Once they received the nurturing they needed I didnt feel un-nurtured any more. I felt loved because I loved myself.

This was a long process but it did work. Hopefully you learn to nurture yourself the way you need to be and deserve to be. Its a wonderful gift to be able to do this for yourself.

Take care

I don't know how.

It took me some time to learn how to nurture myself and then it took more time for me to actually feel fulfilled with it. When I felt like I wanted to be nurtured I usually wanted to be loved, held and comforted. I wanted to know 'it will be alright' and that someone was going to take care of me and I didn't have to worry. Since this was not happening externally I had to do it internally. After working with my inner children for several months I knew I had at least 14 of them and when one was in distress I would sit with that inner child and hold them and let them know that I wouldn't let anything bad happen to them ever again. I did this by picturing them in my mind and picturing them sitting on my lap while I held them and comforted them. I would repeat over and over that I loved them, that they were lovable and that I would protect them from everything.

This process does take time but it is very rewarding. If you want to get into more detail or discuss this further please PM me. I would be happen to discuss it further with you and answer any questions you have.

Take care

I've heard and read lota of ppl talk about inner child and its peaked my curiousity. Do you have any suggestions on where to begin?

gigglemon - My first suggestion would be to find a therapist who works with inner children when treating trauma. My second suggestion would be to get a book about it. I looked online and there are many you could chose from.

In the meantime here is an exercise you can do. Working with inner children is simply you imagining yourself at a certain age and talking to that child and loving them. So, if your abuse started at 5, imagine yourself at 5 years old (doesn't have to be a perfect likeness to you as many of us don't remember ourselves at these ages) and then tell your 5 year old that you love them and imagine yourself giving them a hug. You can do this with each age that you were abused.

This should get you started. If you want to go into more depth...because there is a lot to this process...send me a PM and we can chat about it. I'd be happy to help you with it.

Take care

You could also look at my post on the incest survivors board called "inner child exercise". I got a lot of helpful answers.

Donna - that was an excellent post you made in the Incest board. Loved all the answers. I can see, hear and feel my inner children as they all reside outside my body. I am a very visual person so it was not surprising that I could see them standing next to me. I had 16 inner children and each one would help me understand what they needed in different ways. One sensation that comes to mind is heart palpitations.... this always means my 12 year old needs some attention and help. As soon as I pay attention to her and help her through the tough time the palps go away.

Two other ways of experiencing inner children are:
-Feeling them inside your body. When an inner child is upset and wants your attention they will show you by 'appearing' in a certain part of your body. This is similar to my example about the palpitations above.

-Instead of feeling each child as an individual they are viewed by what their function is such as Manager, Firefighter (protector) and child. Each of these break down into more sub parts which can be seen in time. The theory behind this is that when the abuse was happening there was a function that protected you by helping you dissociate. Then, during times when the abuse was not happening, there was a manager who helped you continue on your days without collapsing. The child held onto the fear so you didn't feel it all the time.

There are as many ways to work with inner children as their are people on the earth (just my opinion). I love hearing how each person works with them because it does give a little insight into how that person thinks and feels. It's all very interesting. :-)