Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hi. I recently went to trial against my father for 6yrs of sexual abuse. Although I did not win due to statute of limitations it was the first step in this process. Two months later I am finally starting the process of healing with a psychologist. Although my life has been pretty good the damage, defense mechanism and many learned behaviors are holding me back. We are going to do timeline therapy without the hypnosis and erasing. Although painful I don't want to erase. This is a part of my story and as I heal I know I will be able to help others. I have been looking for a local support group so until that starts I joined this one. I will continue this as well for extra support. I am in a prayer group and will be joining a mom group as I am a mother. I am excited to do this even though it will be painful to talk about.
Currently: I have not been able to relate to others recently because all of this is so prevalent in my mind. My psychologist has been gone for two weeks and as of right now that's all I have. I pray and read my bible but have started to slip into old coping mechanisms (isolation, derealization) and since I'm just starting I have not learned new ones to replace the bad ones. I hope to find support in this group.
I am not familiar with therapy that would do "hypnosis and erasing". Is the thought process that if you don't remember it it can't hurt you? If it is I would have to disagree with that thought process. I didn't remember anything and it affected every minute of my life from body memories to panic attacks. It was only once I remembered what happened, processed it properly by allowing myself to feel all the feelings, that I actually healed. I am happy to read that you will not be doing "hypnosis and erasing" at this time and I hope you never have to do that.
Once you get into your healing, or perhaps once you are done with your healing, socializing and relating to others will become easier. All those old coping mechanisms won't be needed either - and hopefully you won't simply replace the old coping mechanisms with new ones. Once you have healed your past there should be no need for coping mechanisms at all - and that's what I hope happens for you.
Not every therapist works with inner children and healing can definitely happen using other techniques besides this one. You just have to find the right technique for you.
The best strategy is having patience and acceptance. Healing is not a quick process and can be frustrating - it never goes as fast as you want it to go. Also, my best advice would be to accept any and every memory that you get back. We all want to deny that these terrible things happened to us but it's denial that holds us back from fully healing. Even if what you remember seems impossible - accept it as your truth. Because even if what you remember didn't happen there are parts of you who sure felt like it DID happen.
I have most of the memories (of the abuse) so I have accepted them it's just dealing with effects and the anger of them. Which I didn't realize I had because I'm not a very explosive person and am very nice but feelings of shame disgust are forms of anger. I'm just now coming to see how these childhood coping skills are now not needed for survival and are now more harmful than helpful. So I need new strategies and to go through and process what happened.
Here are some safe ways I released anger. Before you try any of these you may want to talk it over with your therapist. What was safe for me may not be safe for you.
*Got a punching bag
*Bought a body size pillow, drew a face and neck on it representing the abuser and strangled it over and over
*Ripped up cardboard boxes and phone books
*Screamed and yelled. It was important for me to make a lot of noise because I was forced to be silent while the abuse was happening. I'd imagine though, that making noise is important for everyone. I would go for drives and scream at the top of my lungs.
*Write. Write out your anger either with pen and paper or on a computer.
*Cry - yes, crying to release anger