Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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nobodygirl 07/25/2016

I'm new here, and I need advice about an incident that happened to me about 10 years ago when I was fourteen. I basically swept this incident under the rug and tried to move on with my life, but now that I'm in therapy, this event has been on my mind a lot recently.

I don't want to get into a lot of details, but basically what happened was that one summer night when I was 14, I snuck out of the house to go joyriding with one of my friends. We met couple of older guys and smoked weed (these guys were strangers). My friend wandered off with one of the guys, leaving me alone with the other guy. He continually tried to make moves on me and have sex with me even though I didn't want to. I kept telling him that I wanted to leave, and asked about my friend and he kept saying she would be back soon and not to worry about her. He then kept pressuring me and more attempts to make moves on me, I eventually gave in and had sex with him. I didn't want to but I was high, alone, and afraid. The guy was getting more and more frustrated with me and I thought it was the best thing to do at the time.

I told my parents about this the next day and they took me to the hospital and called the police. They also blamed me and said that if I didn't want to have sex with that guy, I should have fought, screamed, or ran away to prevent him from having sex with me.

I haven't told anyone about this since it happened, not even my therapist. I tried to bury it and forget about it, but that didn't work too well. I feel like maybe my parents overreacted by calling the police and getting this guy in trouble, because like they said, I could have prevented it from happening. I also feel like this wasn't rape because I basically consented. The police also lectured me and said that I shouldn't have been wearing a skirt or smoking and this wouldn't have happened to me. I kind of agree with my parents and the police, and that this wouldn't have happened if I had just stayed at home.

My question is, was this really rape? People get pressured into sex far too often, but do they usually go to the police for it? Why is this bugging me all of the sudden?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

gettingitstraight 07/25/2016

You said no this was rape regardless of circumstance your parents along with a lot of others always lay blame on us because it's an easy way to solve the problem in their heads. The please also should not have treated you that way sadly though it's a he said she said that's hard to prove even though your word should be enough did your friend know the guys where was she was she put into a similar situation at the same time

momof3kings 07/25/2016

This is definitely rape because it was forced consent...you felt like you had no choice. Any time you feel like you HAVE to do something sexually is not legitimate consent.

LuckyEmpath 07/25/2016

I am so sorry this happened to you. It infuriates me that your parents and the police blamed you or the way you were dressed for the reason this happened. It was not your fault. Would it have happened if you had stayed in? Of course not. But even if you sneak out of the house, wearing whatever clothes you want to wear, it is not a mans right to rape you. Our bodies are not here for THEM to enjoy. It was rape. Plain and simple.

Why is it bugging you now? Probably because you have someone, your therapist, who is listening to you for the first time ever. Someone who legitimately wants to help you and see you heal. If you trust your therapist then please share what happened with you. She/he will be able to validate your feelings and also validate for you once and for all that it WAS rape.

2magicman 07/25/2016

I don't care if you're at a party with some of your best friend and a friend asked you to do something you don't want to do and are forced to do so IT IS RAPE. The statutes of limitations might be ageist if you waited to long and you will not get the justice like me. It is important to trust your therapist but only you know inside how you can trust. I have had several. I got the justice i was hoping for But that's another story. Like above validation can help you move forward. It may not be a strong steps but a baby step. But even that it's a good step.

Scott

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