Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

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Sdcoct1989
Sdcoct1989

Hello everyone my name is Sherita and i'm new here. I didn't realize how much this still affected me and a daily basic and in my everyday life so please be patient with me while i give you all my story it maybe long i'm not sure. From the age of 7 to 16 i was sexual abused by my step dad.Only a few people know this story i honestly didn't know what was going on into i became a lot older. I didnt understand the feelings my body was having or going though.I through he was showing how he loved me.Ever morning my mom would go to work he would come and wake me up to get in the bed with him.That's when the touching and feeling started.Then he would go down on me and at this time i still didn't really know what was going on he use to say it's time for us to play our game.At the age of 15 i had to be tested for cervical cancer after a prap test didn't come back right.I still have nightmares to this day im 27 now marrid with kids of my own.But this has affected my life so bad i cant even have a healthy sex life with my husband.Sometimes when my husband is making love to me i can't get into it or i will have a flashback and break down and start crying he knows some of what happen but not everything.I'm at the point sometimes i dont want him to touch me or i would go off on him for trying to hard. My first time having sex was not my own self saying ok lets do this it was my step dad saying you are a women now and boys will be looking at you and you wil not give away whats mine so i'm taking it now. When i say this has a big part on my life for the first year old my daughter life i wouldnt let her dad take to a family memebr house or to see his mom without me being there even if i know he wouldnt do anything to hurt her. It's just i don;t eant nothing to happen to her.My self esteem is so low it's not even funny i have always felt like since im not a smaller female no man would ever want me away but for years i wouldn't even look in the mirror scared of what i may see.To this day my self esteem is still very low my husband will tell me you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me and i would tell him he have to say that because i'm his wife. I haven't learned how to love myself i guess.Thank you everyone who read this and i'm sorry if there is any spelling errors i just type so fast i can't catch them all

donnawanda
donnawanda
Welcome, Sherita. I'm so sorry for what you've been through and all the ways it has affected you. If you read other people's posts here you will know that you are not alone, and so much of what you're going through is normal for someone who was sexually abused as a child. It is so very sad that you went through all that. The good news is, healing is possible, and your life and feelings about yourself can change dramatically.

It is very hard to heal without the help of a therapist or counselor, so please consider looking for that kind of help. I found a therapist by calling the hotline at RAINN.org and it didn't matter that the abuse had happened to me 40 years earlier - they were really kind and helpful. I hope you will seek help for your own sake and for the sake of the husband and children who love you. You can feel better and you deserve to feel better because nothing that happened to you was your fault.

And by the way, your husband does NOT have to say you are the most beautiful woman in the world to him because you are his wife! I have yet to hear those words from my husband (though he does say other nice things to me).
Sdcoct1989
Sdcoct1989
Thank you for your kind words
refurb
refurb
you were and are innocent
you are beautiful and give sweet innocent love to your children
you give womanly love to your husband
please see that you are so sweet and gentle inside
please see that it is time for you to love yourself
Sdcoct1989
Sdcoct1989
Thank you i try so hard to do it all but sometimes thats not enough
refurb
refurb
that's where you are confused,
who could mother your children better than you
for them, you are much more than enough
Sdcoct1989
Sdcoct1989
Honestly if you ask me they grandmother try to do everything then she will say things like i'm not your mother or father you are going to listen to and what i tell you to do.Then if i say something to her we will get into a big fight
donnawanda
donnawanda
I didn't fully understand your last comment.
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