Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
hello everyone. I’m a 37 year old survivor of childhood sexual abuse by a family friend. I tried to tell my parents what was happening and they told me to go back to bed and swept it under a rug for most of my life. After having a daughter (with my abusive ex-husband) it caused me a lot of pain watching her grow into the age that I was when I was abused. After confronting my parents at the age of 28 my dad sobbed and apologized but I got nothing from my mother. I’ve been in therapy now for 8years but I suffer daily still. I’m so tired of feeling abused and useless. I can’t seem to be in healthy relationships anymore. My current boyfriend has previously been emotionally abusive to me and through his own growth has to come to realize it and we are starting therapy this week. He’s been incredibly understanding of my past trauma but has used my weaknesses to exploit me before. I don’t know how to heal and be happy. I’m always so anxious and tired. Sigh
I would think that after 8 years of therapy you would feel like you were healing. Can you look back and see that you have improved? If not, it may be time to try a different type of therapy. I worked with my inner children which was very rewarding. I also did hypnosis because I didn't remember anything from when I was abused. Others have healed using EMDR. I am sure there are other techniques out there, those just the few I know about. It may be worth it for you to try one of these and see if they can help move you forward in your healing because after all this time you definitely should not still be suffering on a daily basis.
I am sure being with an abusive boyfriend does not help your healing process. In fact it probably slows it down tremendously. I am glad you will both be going to therapy and that he has realized how badly he has been treating you. Just please always remember that you NEVER deserve to be treated bad. You deserve to be treated with respect, compassion and love.
About a month ago I was triggered and reached out to my mother for support and she ended up yelling at me and calling me a liar. Which, of course, validated my fear that nobody ever believed me. There’s a really big part of me that just wanted her to finally be there for me and nuture the hurt child in me and now I’ve realized that I will never get that from her and I’ve cut off communication with her. I feel more alone than ever and my boyfriend has been very understanding and supportive of my need to heal from the trauma but he triggers me occasionally.
Mothers....mine basically called me a liar too and I didn't tell her until I was 46! That's when I finally remembered what happened and I definitely did not tell my parents while the abuse was happening. My mother, like yours, went into denial - because if we were hurt that bad then they did not do a good job of protecting us. THEY failed and they know it. My mother also pulled the "you were never out of my sight so it couldn't have happened" stunt. It's all denial and too often they hurt us deeply with their denial. I also cut my mother out of my life for a while on a few occasions. Sometimes that is exactly what we need to do to keep ourselves safe.
I understand that you have a little child within you who want's mommy to comfort and make it all better - I had those parts too. What I learned while working with my inner children was that I could be the mother they never had. I learned to parent myself and comfort myself. It really was rewarding and wonder if you would also find it rewarding. It may be worth it just to look for a therapist who works with inner children.
The therapist who helped me heal is the first therapist in my life (I've been to lots over the years) who actually said "the way your family treated you IS abuse". Prior to her, every therapist brushed it aside and wouldn't look at it or they said it was "just the way families are" which, knowing what I know now, is pretty sad because they probably believe that about their own families. Anyway, I really hope you find a therapist you feel comfortable with who can take you to the next phase or even to the completion of your healing.