Trying to have a logical and loving conversation with alcohol is like trying to swim up a waterfall. It can't be done. Keep focused on the positive, focused on what you want. Don't look or listen to the garbage that you are not good enough, prove to him that you are. You will prevail!

I'm done. I don't want this life anymore. It's not working. I'm not worth shit and I'm done trying. F it

I am sorry it did not go well. Glad you are here don't give up. I am sorry for your pain and your abuse. It is not fun trying to get someone to understand and not supportive. I am a bornagain Christian and I learned Jesus loved me at the age of 7 because of the song. I had no one to turn to but him and at age 10 I age ten I accepted him in my heart. He was the only one who helped me and could help me in my time of need. I prayed and my guardian angel stood close by and protected me and I would hear and hear now saying I am going to be ok and gonna get through. my time of sorrow. I am sorry your husband is not supportive. My parents did not want me to remember this time in my life and made me forget it . I knew I loved the Lord , but felt I couldn't believe enough. You are special and you are loved. Even if you do not feel like it. I had times of deep depression. I would be beat up daily starved and prostituted out to who ever. Not fun at all.
These verse are called the Romans Road.
As it is written , There is none righteous no not one: Romans 3:10
For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God; Romans 10:23
But God commendeth is love toward us, in that,while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23
For whosoever shall call upon the Lord shall be saved." Romans 10:13 I don't want you to give up on your life. I will pray you find the healing. I understand you hopelessness. I felt the hurt and the pain. I am giving you the best hope. Hang in there I will be praying for you. thanks for the hug.

Thank you sugarbear. I too am trying to regain my relationship with Jesus. I learned my husband wants to be supportive, but it hurts him to hear about my past and he can only look at it sexually so he doesn't want to know someone did that to me. He is very loving and caring in many other ways. I don't blame him; I don't even know how to cope. Yet every day I will learn and try to do better.

His reaction is what I have encountered with people too. Especially family. First there is stunned silence, then a bit of disbelief and then the questions. And when I think about it, this is exactly what I went through after I started to remember. I was in denial for 6 months after that first flashback. Then, I wanted to know everything. When I told my husband for the first time he asked "How do you know?" This crushed me because I had only had a few flashbacks at that point and was still in denail about it all. I took what he said as him saying it didn't happen. I was wrong. He needed time to process it, just like I did. It took my mother a year to process it after I told her about it.

Give him time. He needs to go through it all too.