No you're not to blame. You did nothing wrong. Your father shouldn't have made you watch them in the first place. You only did what you thought was normal/right.
x

Oh, Jules, what a tough childhood you had. My heart goes out to you. What you did was not abuse. I understand the feelings of guilt, though. When I was about 8 I was forced to do something horrible to a younger child. It wasn't my choice, but it was my hand. I have felt guilt over this for a long time. I KNOW it wasn't my fault but I've had a hard time forgiving myself.

Please be gentle with yourself. (((HUG)))

Woops...meant to add this too:

I saw a program on 20/20 or Dateline or 60 minutes - one of those shows about kids who never talk at school or to anyone except their immediate family. So you're not alone in that phenomenon.

Though you knew what the act of sex, at the age of 8 you aren't aware of the responsibilities, emotions, and consequences that come with sex. What you did was just you acting out what you saw on the t.v. That's what children do, they mimic the things they see in their environment, that's how we learn how to speak, act, and relate to others. Your father is to blame for corrupting your mind with the porn. You mind is unable to reason accurately between the difference of right and wrong at the age of eight, especially when you are present with wrong by a parent, you then in turn feel that, if daddy let me watch it with him, the wrong is right and normal. YOU'RE NOT TO BLAME and it's important you know and believe that. Hugs, love and understanding!

What you're describing in your journal vis-a-vis the porno movies, that your father made/let you watch, is a classic case of "COVERT sexual abuse". In this framework, the abuser doesn't physically penetrate the victim, but mentally penetrates the victim by exposing them to sexualized imagery such as pornography.

Hypersexualized behaviour in the victim after the fact is one of the many side-affects of this.

Thanyou to those that have read my journal and left comments... I guess I now see that it wasnt my fault and I do need to forgive my father and myself and move on.That is going to be hard but I think it needs to be done.
I do feel a bit of relief now as this is the first time EVER I have told anyone about this, and I dont think there will be a need to disrupt anyone elses lives by bring it up. I will just rely on others here on DS to get me through this. I just hope I dont end up turning everyone away from me.
Anyway...thanks so much for being here and suporting me through this dificult time.