Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hello Everyone,
I am brand spanking new here and i have this huge problem. My wife was abused by 2 kids for about 4 years (10-14). I've known her now for 6 years and I've always knew about this but she said she believed she was over it because the fear of letting someone put there hands down there had gone away. I must have been naive. After a separation of 2 years, we have gotten back together and now 6 months later, she wouldn't have sex with me on valentines day and after a week of being frustrated, trying to figure out why she doesn't have what she calls the feeling. I knew her abuse played a roll but she had convinced me and her that the lack of feeling was due to PCOS. I've looked into both and theories to see what i can do and everything i found, and then some, points the problem to the abuse. She sleeps to much, nightmares, all symptoms of PTSD including hyperventilate which really was an eye opener for me, sexual issues including acting out sexually when we separated. etc. She also has chronic pelvic pain which i've learned, women abused under 15 have 22% higher chance of getting. Now that i am quiet sure this is the problem, I don't know how to approach her about it. I don't know if i should just come out with it, should i try implanting the idea like inception, do i build a family support group first to help, etc. What do i do now. How do i approach her with this. what ifs not ready? This problem already cost me to lose her once and i cant have that happen again. Please help, thank you.
I am brand spanking new here and i have this huge problem. My wife was abused by 2 kids for about 4 years (10-14). I've known her now for 6 years and I've always knew about this but she said she believed she was over it because the fear of letting someone put there hands down there had gone away. I must have been naive. After a separation of 2 years, we have gotten back together and now 6 months later, she wouldn't have sex with me on valentines day and after a week of being frustrated, trying to figure out why she doesn't have what she calls the feeling. I knew her abuse played a roll but she had convinced me and her that the lack of feeling was due to PCOS. I've looked into both and theories to see what i can do and everything i found, and then some, points the problem to the abuse. She sleeps to much, nightmares, all symptoms of PTSD including hyperventilate which really was an eye opener for me, sexual issues including acting out sexually when we separated. etc. She also has chronic pelvic pain which i've learned, women abused under 15 have 22% higher chance of getting. Now that i am quiet sure this is the problem, I don't know how to approach her about it. I don't know if i should just come out with it, should i try implanting the idea like inception, do i build a family support group first to help, etc. What do i do now. How do i approach her with this. what ifs not ready? This problem already cost me to lose her once and i cant have that happen again. Please help, thank you.
First of all she does need to go to a gynocologist just to make sure she does not have any medical problems for the pelvic pain she is experiencing.
Has she tried to get into counseling for the sexual abuse that she has endured. Us that are sexually abused try to be brave and out of site out of mind so to speak. Part of this is repressing those memories hoping they go away. I am a very big proponent of therapy and finding a good therapist that deals with trauma such as this. You have to process through what you have gone through to eliminate as much of it as you can.
As for sexual problems, they can be ever present for most people that have been sexaully abused, especially if you have repressed and the trauma has become fresh in your mind. Any type of situation that is negative can bring the trauma back, thus the PTSD you discribe.
As for her going out and acting out sexually when you were apart is also very common, for me it was that of questioning my sexuality.
Please encourage her to get with a good counselor, it took me 40+ years to really dedicate myself to the counseling thing. I was fortunate to have a good three years of counseling with this lady and she changed my whole outlook on life.
I, as she have a very supportive man in my life and that makes all the difference in the world. She is lucky to have you, most men run the other way.
I will also mention that I have major depression, PTSD and anxiety/panic disorder and know that because of this I will take medicine for the rest of my life. I still suffer from dreams 50+ years later and that will bring on my panic, but the medications lessens the severity of the attack.
If I have a extremely stressful day, I can also have a depressive mode.
Please also advise her, that she does not have to go into detail about what happened when she is in counseling and a female counselor would probably be best.
Family support is not always the best to do, believe me I have been there, alot of non-believers, best to leave it to the professionals. You have to remember you fall in that unique catagory.
@justanothersurvivor - still would love to hear your response
dont jump to conclusions just because you want to have sex.
tell her you are concerned if she is continuing to feel pain and depression that she should talk to her gyno to make sure nothing is wrong. pcos isnt something to mess with anyway.
Also i am wondering if making the decision to seek help was for any of you, 100% self driven or did family members or a significant other help you to decide to seek help?