Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
**TRIGGER WARNING**
Hello,
I am new to the group and need to talk about what happened to me as a child. I feel like I don't have anyone to open up to about this. My parents feel as though they failed by not protecting me and take it as a personal insult when I talk about my past. My best friend who I talk to about everything was also sexually abused and it is very triggering for him, so I am unable to talk to him about it. Everyone else I just don't feel close enough or fear of what they make think. I don't want pity. I'm angry and need to vent.
So, when I was a child I blocked out many memories. Entire chunks of my childhood are gone. I remember some of the abuse, but the rest comes in fuzzy flashbacks. I start remembering and start screaming and don't know where I am. I feel as though I am the same child that I used to be.
I was in a mental hospital for a long time because I couldn't come to terms with my abuse. I began self harming and became suicidal. I was being emotionally, physically, and sexually abused and it changed the way I saw myself as an adult. I began "punishing" myself for being "dirty."
I even self harmed as a child as well as constantly thinking about sex, which I should have never known about. I was obsessed with it. I did sexual acts constantly even at the age of five. I made my toys have sex even.
At first it scared me before it became an obsession. I would scream for hours, grabbing my privates. When my parents tried to get me to stop they never could get an answer out of me as to why I was doing it. I never told. I felt like there was still something inside of me and it scared me. Sometimes I still feel like I can't get clean.
All I remember is being in a dark room and someone holding my legs up. I had a flashback to it while in the hospital. I went on a rampage and had to be restrained. I screamed until my throat was raw. I wanted to hurt the person who did it. I wanted to kill him. But there was no one there. In my mind I was back on that bed as a child. I truly thought I could get my hands around his throat. I was diagnosed with PTSD afterwards. They suggested shock therapy, but I was way too scared to. The doctor said it would help with my memories and the screaming episodes. I didn't go through with it. It scared me too badly.
Now the flashbacks are better. I haven't had an episode in a long time. But I am still very emotional over the past.
I know this all may be very triggering and I hope I didn't upset anyone. I just needed to tell someone what is going on in my head. Thank you for reading. I really needed this.
Hello,
I am new to the group and need to talk about what happened to me as a child. I feel like I don't have anyone to open up to about this. My parents feel as though they failed by not protecting me and take it as a personal insult when I talk about my past. My best friend who I talk to about everything was also sexually abused and it is very triggering for him, so I am unable to talk to him about it. Everyone else I just don't feel close enough or fear of what they make think. I don't want pity. I'm angry and need to vent.
So, when I was a child I blocked out many memories. Entire chunks of my childhood are gone. I remember some of the abuse, but the rest comes in fuzzy flashbacks. I start remembering and start screaming and don't know where I am. I feel as though I am the same child that I used to be.
I was in a mental hospital for a long time because I couldn't come to terms with my abuse. I began self harming and became suicidal. I was being emotionally, physically, and sexually abused and it changed the way I saw myself as an adult. I began "punishing" myself for being "dirty."
I even self harmed as a child as well as constantly thinking about sex, which I should have never known about. I was obsessed with it. I did sexual acts constantly even at the age of five. I made my toys have sex even.
At first it scared me before it became an obsession. I would scream for hours, grabbing my privates. When my parents tried to get me to stop they never could get an answer out of me as to why I was doing it. I never told. I felt like there was still something inside of me and it scared me. Sometimes I still feel like I can't get clean.
All I remember is being in a dark room and someone holding my legs up. I had a flashback to it while in the hospital. I went on a rampage and had to be restrained. I screamed until my throat was raw. I wanted to hurt the person who did it. I wanted to kill him. But there was no one there. In my mind I was back on that bed as a child. I truly thought I could get my hands around his throat. I was diagnosed with PTSD afterwards. They suggested shock therapy, but I was way too scared to. The doctor said it would help with my memories and the screaming episodes. I didn't go through with it. It scared me too badly.
Now the flashbacks are better. I haven't had an episode in a long time. But I am still very emotional over the past.
I know this all may be very triggering and I hope I didn't upset anyone. I just needed to tell someone what is going on in my head. Thank you for reading. I really needed this.
-
I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
-
Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
It's messed up that your parents treat your abuse as a personal insult. I can understand that they feel anguish about not having protected you, but they ought to put your needs before their own feelings.
I'm glad venting here made you feel better. And welcome, by the way! So sorry you have reason to be here, but glad to see you. I think I've seen you before, over on PTSD, or maybe we have mutual friends.
Hiya. :)
I'm unsure about shock therapy, I take meds to relax - even when my mind doesn't obsess with my issues.
At the age of five I took out my father's Playboys, laid out the centerfold, and wiggled on top of it for my siblings and their friends ... we all have a way of suggesting that something is wrong, even while our parents try to deny it, hoping that such a painful truth could not be real.
I now lay down at peace and accept myself for who I am when things are going well. Accept "this is truth, but it does not, alone, define me" ... when things are bad I try diving into video games, even at 46 years old.
Peace
Roundabout that time there were news stories of Women Teachers who had it off with Boys they were Teaching. I became drawn towards a few Teachers in my School, but it was never anything more than fantasy.