when i was aroun 8 my oldest brother mason asked me if i knew how to kiss and i said no and he told me that i should know because when i go a boyfriend i wouldn't want to look stupid and not know how to kiss. so he sat me on his bed and told me how and then he made me lay down and he layed on top of me and started kissing me. then he made me lay on top of him and kiss. i didn't want to do it i felt uncomfortable and just wanted to leave but he wouldn't let me he keept pulling me back. i shared a room with my other brother luke so mason would have to come into our room and tell me to go to his room so luke wouldn't find out or anyhting. if i told mason no to do something he would bribe me with something like stuffed animanls and the older i got he camed me other stuff like cds and stuff. i told luke what mason was doing one night and he told me i should tell my mom and i told him i didn't know how and i was scard but he called her in and told her i had something to tell her. so i told her that he made me do stuff to him and he was suppose to give me something but he never did. and she asked what and i told her cd's and she went and got me them and never said anything else. he would make me give him blow jobs and i hated it sooooo much. i just wanted to die right there. this went on wiht me and mason everyday or if my parents were home he would come to me at night. when we moved to the house were in now we all had our own rooms so then mason just came to my room at night and would wake me up. somenights i would just lay there and pretend i was sleeping but he didn't care he still did what he wanted to do. one night he came in and asked if i was awak and kissed me and then he tryed to have sex but i closed my legs together as tight as i could and he couldn't open them so he put some loation on his penis and then that worked but he didn't get his penis in side me it was just between my legs. eventually luke got into it too but i never really did anything with him idk why but i was just able to tell him now but sometimes i would. when i was 12 mason tryed to have sex but it hurt me to much so he stoped. and ever since then i told him no and he's begged me but has never really forced anything. about a year after it stoped i finally told my mom. she told my dad and they called the cops and i had to go to this hospital and they had to examin me to see if there was any damage and i had to tell them what happend to me. mason had to leave and the judge said that he could NEVER be alon with me ever or any under age kid. when woudl come and vist and we would be left alone. it scared the shit out of me when we were alone but i alway's left. i stayed up in my room most the time he was home. the judge reominded i get counseling and that never happend. my mom told me i wasn't aloud to tell anyone what happend to me i could only tell kenzie (my next door neighbor and best friend at the time) adn i didn't think that was fair. so i got really close with my basketball coach i ended up telling her what happend and she could relate and so she helped alot and i was able to keep asking my mom for a counselor and she did but i saw her only 5 times and then we didnt' got back bc of school and sports. my know's about me cutting and having suicial thought's and you would think she would get me help but no she did. i had my school counselor look up counselors in my area so i could give them to my mom and idk what she did with the list. and i guess i'm just sick of asking. so that's where i'm at right now and that's who i was and what happend to me. me and mason are able to talk a lil now and he has excepted what happend adn know's he wast the one who did wrong but even hearing that i still think i did. adn i guess over time i will learn that it wasn't and i hope i can come to that soon. thank you for listening to my story.