Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I'm finally starting to see my misconcieved perceptions are changing. I've been struggling with blaming myself since I was raped by my uncle at age 12, over 5 years ago. In counseling yesterday we did something that really made me see that I wasn't to blame. I wrote down negative thoughts that I always tell myself including:
1. I deserved this
2. I trusted the wrong person so I can't trust my own judgement.
3. I should've seen the red flags.
4. If I let my guard down it could happen again.
5. If I told sooner he'd be in jail and wouldn't have the chance to hurt anyone else.
6. I'm a burden to my family.
7. I should've done more (fought back, screamed, something).
8. I should be able to solve my own problems.
And then I had to imagine my younger sister (who is close to the age I was when it happened) sitting on the couch beside me, and I had to say all those things to her. I had to imagine this happened to her and I had to tell her she deserved it, that she should've known better than to trust him, and that she was a burden to the family, and so on. I was upset and crying and my counselor asked if I would ever say those things to her, I said no. Then she asked if I would think those things about her and just not tell her, I said no. Then she asked why I wouldn't say or think those things about my sister, and I told her because they weren't fair to her and they were mean, unthoughtful comments. Then she asked how I justify saying them to myself over and over again, I didn't know what to say. For the first time since it happened I'm starting to see that I'm not worthless and I didn't deserve it.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
I think most if not all victims/survivors blame themselves for being abused. Maybe the brain doesn't want to accept that we were powerless. Meanwhile abusers are ready to make all kinds of excuses and justifications for themselves.
Thank you for sharing this. I hope somebody reading this will see that it is unfair to blame themselves also instead of finding some convoluted reason to believe it was different in their case. Wishing you continued healing.