Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Ok, now in order for this to make since please read my very first journal entry.
http://www.dailystrength.org/people/266696/journal/1101640
I hope this link works, if not let me know and i'll just post the whole entry here.
Now understand that most of the entire event is etched in my brain, and there is no question as to weather or not anything that i wrote actually happened or not. It's rather that there is a whole in my story (even though i know it to be all fact). The whole i believe comes from a small lost segment of memory, and that concerns me greatly.
You remember the part where he makes me swim through the pig pond? Well when i FINALY go home i very much remember being dry, or more to the point my cloths being dry. Whith out slime or pig deffication. My mother also never questioned my state of clenliness. So if i swam through the pond but my cloths were still dry the only assumption that i can make (and this is only an assumption i do not remember thsi at all), is that i must have taken my cloths off. I dont remember taking them off or putting them back on. but i can not otherwise account for having dry cloths. If this really happend... did something else happen besides swiming across the pond? I mean i remember the sexual assault vividly, but was there more? I just dont know.
Does anyone else have a vivid memory with a huge whole in it?
http://www.dailystrength.org/people/266696/journal/1101640
I hope this link works, if not let me know and i'll just post the whole entry here.
Now understand that most of the entire event is etched in my brain, and there is no question as to weather or not anything that i wrote actually happened or not. It's rather that there is a whole in my story (even though i know it to be all fact). The whole i believe comes from a small lost segment of memory, and that concerns me greatly.
You remember the part where he makes me swim through the pig pond? Well when i FINALY go home i very much remember being dry, or more to the point my cloths being dry. Whith out slime or pig deffication. My mother also never questioned my state of clenliness. So if i swam through the pond but my cloths were still dry the only assumption that i can make (and this is only an assumption i do not remember thsi at all), is that i must have taken my cloths off. I dont remember taking them off or putting them back on. but i can not otherwise account for having dry cloths. If this really happend... did something else happen besides swiming across the pond? I mean i remember the sexual assault vividly, but was there more? I just dont know.
Does anyone else have a vivid memory with a huge whole in it?
In general, It's fairly common to have vivid - almost photographic -memories interspersed with black holes. During an abusive event, our minds tend to latch onto some details while at the same time temporarily disregarding other details. Sort of like walking through a room with a strobe light is flashing. This is our mind's way of dealing with overload. Then, after the fact, our mind tries to piece it all together into something coherent, and doesn't always get the details right.
IN any case, I have a memory some of which was alwasy very clear to me, well I should say seemed very clear until my sister cleared up one of the major pieces of the memory that always confused me. You see, there is a night that I believe my first rape took place. My sister and I slept in a bunk bed so we were in the same room. For many years, all I remembered was that one day I woke up in the bathroom on the floor with a bloody nose. I had always figured I fell out of my bed, gone in the bathroom to clean up my nose and fell asleep on the floor. What really happened was that my sister somehow had the bloody nose and somehow ended up in the bathroom on the floor while I was still in the room with a man crouched in the corner staring at me. I am almost certain a rape took place this night but my memory was very clear, almost vivid before. I believe in my mind, I traded places with my sister so that I could paint myself out of that scary scenario. Do you think it's possible that he swam through the pond and you walked around it? Not saying your memory is bad but I know when you're little things like that can happen...I was about 5 or 6 also.