Anyone?

Dissociation can be a huge repercussion of abuse and in expressing that you blocked some of your childhood out it stands to reason that if your relationship with this guy was abusive that you would also use this coping strategy to block this out as well. There are a number of dissociation disorders within the DSMV but you would need a psychologist or psychiatrist to be diagnosed.

I know I'll probably ruffle some feathers here, but this is only my thoughts and what I have found to have worked for me. I did the pill route with a psychiatrist years ago and for me I found the pills were like throwing a blanket over a fire, the flames are knocked down yet the embers are still smouldering beneath. When I removed the blanket(stopped taking the pills) the fire (memories and trauma associated with them) were still there, as strong as they were before I started on the pills. I found psychologists much more useful since they talk about the problem and help me work through the pain in a controlled manner.
I had years in which I couldn't remember and all it took was talking and journaling about what I did remember and the rest came back at it's own pace.
I'm not saying that you shouldn,t take pills or anyone else, if they help and get a person through a hump in the road, then they are worth it. They just didn't work for me. Plus I have an advantage by the way I was raised with many, many forms of punishment which I had to learn to endure, so I can withstand a lot whether it's emotionally or physically and I know not everyone has had that "training". It's all comes down to a person choice.
Hope this helps and be kind to yourself, memories just take time to come back. Take care, Blaine

I have heard of this . I read in a book. that some people can move to a different place and not know why and start a new life. I disassociated all my abuse. It was from age 2 or ealier to I would say 35. I was drugged tortured and raped constantly. Now that I am remembering . I literally had no one to help me except the Lord. I felt guardian angels around and protection. I remembered only bits and pieces of my childhood. As I remember I see new things and it is like a nightmare unfolding before my eyes. If you married an abusive husband . You may have blocked it out. I do not know. I know I would see beginning moments and that was it. I am sorry for your abuse. I felt like a tortured soul with no one but God to lean on. Everyone I thought liked me or even could trust I could not trust. No person to turn to . I will pray you get healing from your past hurts.

Alot of people with severe abuse block things out without having control over it. You dissociated it to another part of your mind. Is there anyway you could have therapy more than once a month? It just sounds too severe to only go once a month, you know? I really hope you can feel better. And I know your therapist left you too. Maybe you can find somewhere else to go?

It's fairly common to lock out such horrific events in our lives. I moved away and didn't return to my home town for over ten years. Didn't realize hoe much I blocked out until I came back. They say it probably isn't healthy not to remember but my theory is, why would you want to remember the pain? It was horrible what was done to you and all of them deserve to be strung up. I don't know if you are thinking you are gay because of the abuse but it doesn't matter. It certainly would be understandable if that were the case. It's good that you have found someone to be with and be happy. Try not to focus on the assholes too much. A lot of people are on meds. If you need it,take it. Things will eventually come back to you if your mind will allow them to.

The return of such memories can be a two sided blade - it is hard to live with big gaping holes in you life - I used to "block out" also, although on some level I was always aware of the abuse. But you do remember the night before you left your abusive husband. It seems like that was the night that you started becoming empowered and thus the reason to hold onto the memory.
I personally and respectfully disagree with the thought that you should not try to remember. Unless you can fill those "blank places" in your life, they can always haunt you - at least that is coming from where I was. I NEEDED to remember, thus I could protect myself from repeating the past. But OH - those memories were painful. In time I had to realize that I lived through the actual event, so the memories would not harm me any more than the actuality of being abused did. But once remembered, hard to forget again. And I wouldn't try to forget, not now. My Mother kept saying "can't you just forget about it and get on with your life?" - She meant well, but NO, I could not. I needed to know, I needed to remember and that is how I was able to see what needed to be repaired and what needed to be restored.
Again, these are just my thoughts on the matter, but you certainly are not alone in experiencing "lost time" - although I will admit, 3 years is a lot of time to lose. But you survived it and for this we are all happy!!
All my best-
Refuse2quit

Be easy with yourself. Your body has repressed those memories as a coping mechanism. If you are asking if that is normal for someone in your situation, it is. Build a support system, increase your therapy if you need to, get plenty of rest, and just take care of yourself like you would for anyone else going through this. Be kind to yourself. The memories will come, probably as your body thinks you can handle them. This is hard work, so hang in there, and really take care of yourself physically and emotionally.