A little over a year ago I was taken advantage of by somebody that I trusted after a night of drinking. At first he convinced me that there was confusion and it was never like that, so I continued to hangout with him and talk to him. He then continued to always touch me without asking, and I never said no or imposed. I just allowed it to happen. A few months down the road we were still talking and dating and he took advantage of me again while drinking. After this somehow I came to the realization that this wasn't right and the sickness that I felt when he was around wasn't how I was supposed to be feeling. Somewhere within me I found strength and I ended up breaking it off. After that, I became very depressed, drinking heavily, blacking out, not caring about my own well being. An old friend came along and helped me out of that darkness. I haven't felt very sad lately, but I have found that I can't have sex with people that I have feelings for. I really can only have sex with people who there is no future with. I also mostly only have sex when I'm drunk. People that care are the ones that scare me the most and make me the most nervous and I feel like it has to do with the fact that I cared about the person who assalted me. I don't know how to get past it and it's starting to bring me down again. I feel like I'm losing myself, like I don't really know who I am anymore or how to handle emotions. I just feel like I'm drowning with no sense of how to come up for air..