Hi. First time post and new to the site. Every few years it seems the abuse rears it's ugly f***ing head (can you curse on this site?) and I go into a bit of a spiral.  Thankfully this time, I'm surprisingly handling it better (not feeling suicidal and controlling thoughts of harming myself) even though feeling isolated due to Covid and Sheltering in Place over a year.  Not that I have tons of friends waiting for me when this thing starts getting better. 

I only have one ex-girlfriend I am in touch with and it's actually not a great friendship (our personalities, ethics, politics, etc are different) but since I have no one else, I just put up with it rather than being totally alone.  (Hey, at least I had the courage to get out of the romantic relationship with her!). 

Anyway, back in December I was totally triggered by this Ex.  She has anger management issues and got upset one night.  I know she would never hurt me but she began to yell, scream, throw things, etc.  I never had an issue with it before but it triggered me where I became so afraid I couldn't even leave the situation because my brain said she would hurt me if I tried to leave (even though I know fully well she won't). 

Since then, my coping mechanisms have gone full blast and I'm feeling incredibly isolated and alone.  Tried looking for Zoom support groups for childhood sexual abuse but I wasn't very successful.  Which got me to this site.  Anyway I don't have any specific questions. Just putting it out there cause I don't have any other resources and I just felt like I needed to express this somewhere.

Thanks for reading.