Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I am very confused. Im not sure if I belong in this group. A lot of what happened to me I dont remember. I hear a lot of stories that are a lot worse than mine.
My father has very few boundaries. Ever since I can remember he would do what ever he wanted with me. even if told him no or screamed stop he would laugh and keep touching, or chasing me. He drinks every night starting around 5. My father walks around the house naked. in the morning he masturbates with the door open. He has looked at porn while i was in the room right next to the room where he was looking at it on the screen. He pinches the bottom of my butt. When i was going through puberty i would sleep with my bra on and he would come and say goodnight to me and demand that i take my bra off(i had clothes on so he hasnt seen my boobs). Growing up my sister and i would change with the door open. we felt that we werent allowed to close the door(i dont understand why) my father would tickle me a lot and accidentally touch me in places that shouldnt be touched. he would get up in my space and hover over me and tickle me or yell at me. He would body block me so i couldnt go anywhere, i would be stuck in a small space till he let me out. one time he looked to see if anyone was looking and he took a piece of paper towel, wiped it on his balls and then wiped it on my face. I remember in 1st grade when he was taking baths he would make me wash his back. the thing that made cps come was when i was 17 he laid with me in my bed and started tickling me and he lifted my shirt up and rested his hand on my boob(i had a bra on)while he was tickling me.
I moved out of the house when i was 18. I am not 21 and still struggling with all this. I have healed quite a bit but i still get bothered when people talk about sex. I cant stand my body. I feel so ashamed of my body.
Is this sexual abuse? Whats going on with me?
My father has very few boundaries. Ever since I can remember he would do what ever he wanted with me. even if told him no or screamed stop he would laugh and keep touching, or chasing me. He drinks every night starting around 5. My father walks around the house naked. in the morning he masturbates with the door open. He has looked at porn while i was in the room right next to the room where he was looking at it on the screen. He pinches the bottom of my butt. When i was going through puberty i would sleep with my bra on and he would come and say goodnight to me and demand that i take my bra off(i had clothes on so he hasnt seen my boobs). Growing up my sister and i would change with the door open. we felt that we werent allowed to close the door(i dont understand why) my father would tickle me a lot and accidentally touch me in places that shouldnt be touched. he would get up in my space and hover over me and tickle me or yell at me. He would body block me so i couldnt go anywhere, i would be stuck in a small space till he let me out. one time he looked to see if anyone was looking and he took a piece of paper towel, wiped it on his balls and then wiped it on my face. I remember in 1st grade when he was taking baths he would make me wash his back. the thing that made cps come was when i was 17 he laid with me in my bed and started tickling me and he lifted my shirt up and rested his hand on my boob(i had a bra on)while he was tickling me.
I moved out of the house when i was 18. I am not 21 and still struggling with all this. I have healed quite a bit but i still get bothered when people talk about sex. I cant stand my body. I feel so ashamed of my body.
Is this sexual abuse? Whats going on with me?
You are in the right place. Please excuse my bluntness but your father sounds like he is a very sick man. You are right when you said he had no boundaries. He sounds like a bully and maybe alcoholic at best.
He was your father. he should have treasured you and cared for you. Tickling is NOT fun. It can be horrible. When I was a kid I was often held down and tickled until I couldn't breath.
I mean WTH??? Sorry...this angers me. Your father was behaving like a nasty, disgusting pig. I am so sorry you grew up like that.
Anyway...I will cut short my rant to say welcome again. There are many wonderful supportive people here.
Glad you came here, feels strange saying it. You need to see a counselor though. You can't go through this healing alone, you need support which you will find here.
You say "I hear a lot of stories that are a lot worse than mine" - I said this at one time too. It minimizes what happened to us. But what happened to you should never be minimized. What happened to you is life changing. It affected you at the time and continues to affect you today - that's big.
You deserve to heal from this and have a wonderful happy full life. A therapist can help you with all the feelings you are still dealing with. A therapist who specializes in sexual abuse would be best. You can fully heal from this and you deserve to.
Take care
My Heart goes out to you and I agree a good therapist can help you heal from this. My Best To You, Blaine
http://www.rainn.org/
I'm about to talk to them too.
Survivors seem to want to compare their experiences of abuse--perhaps as a way to distance themselves from it or to believe their family was okay--but WalkinBuffaloMan is right when he says "misery doesn't have a rating system."
Your father was grossly inappropriate and abusive in his behaviors. Walking around naked, masturbating with door open, watching porn with you in room, pinches, you and sister changing with door open, being tickled, "accidental"--I doubt it--touch, yelling, body blocking, transferring sexual scent from balls to face and having you wash his back are all forms of boundary violations and are certainly forms of sexual abuse; some covert abuse, but most overt abuse.
I believe some wounds go deeper than others, but in the end they are all wounds. The good news is that wounds can heal--which means you can heal.
It's also very common for survivors to hate their bodies when it's what was done to them by the predator that needs to be the object of their hate.
The fact is, razzy, your body is actually your friend. If you teach yourself to listen to it, to honor it and take care of it it will help you heal.
On one hand, I'm sorry to say you are in the right place; yet, on the other hand, I'm glad you found the group.
xx
SuzA
I don't know what covert abuse and overt abuse is. Is one worse than the other?
Covert means covered or concealed. Covert abuse is abuse that is done in sneaky ways like making you leave your bedroom door open when you're changing, or looking with leering eyes at your body.
Overt means open and observable. Overt abuse is abuse like tickling you and him putting his hand on your boob.
Tickling you and "accidentally" touching you is both overt (tickling) and covert ("accidental" touch) abuse.
Is one worse than the other? It depends on the person. Some people find covert abuse harder to deal with because things are not out in the open so they find it hard to put their finger on exactly what's bothering them about the situation.
And covert abuse often makes survivors question themselves, as well, because the intent of the predator is hidden. Your father's intent was to touch you in private places; he tried to hide his intent under the guise of tickling you.
I have little doubt that you've heard again and again that none of this was your fault. When you let go of the shame and negative feelings towards your body you'll be able to understand this at a deeper level.
xx
SuzA