Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
My daughter was abused at the age of 2 and is now 5. I am finding it more and more difficult to deal with it all, her father was her abuser and recently was convicted and put in jail however now that everything is said and done I am having a really hard time trying to get through my days...I don't understand why this is I thought that once it was all done and I knew that my daughter was safe it would be a weight lifted off my shoulders but it almost seems to be the opposite and now to top it all off his family has been in contact with me and wants to regain a relationship with us. I am so lost and just don't know what to think....anyone have any ideas??
I found that counseling was not the way for me and that to just let it run its course in my mind and think about different things as they are in my head helps. also if you feel like you need to talk to someone then that might help...only if you want to tho, dont talk if you dont want to at the time.
i dont really no what else to suggest but if you need to talk im here, or you can add me as a friend so you can talk to me when you want to
hope this helps
xxx
As a mother we have a natural overwhelming urge to protect our kids from harm and hurt and if anything happens we blame ourselves in some way, we feel guilt, we feel we failed them. Sexual abuse is destroying for all involved....it has so many levels, just because the abuser is now behind bars it doesnt mean that your heart will miracously mend.Youre daughter was hurt...therefore you were hurt and youre allowed to feel the way you do. Just know it wasnt your fault. You did what you could. You have protected and loved your daughter like no-one else could. You now have to mourn in a way, for whats happened and it will be a slow process. But take joy in every progess your daughter makes, every smile she smiles..youve helped this happen. She will help you heal as much as you will help her to heal.
As for his parents wanting to see your daughter, this is your decision. Remember though that they are not him, they didnt abuse but they need to respect your wishes and your decisions. Your daughter may benefit from a sense of normal family life that having grand parents can provide, but this is entirely your decision as i know none of the facts.Its a huge issue of trust, and trusting people with your daughter will forever be an issue.
Small steps is what i advise, maybe visitation for his parents with YOU present only to start with if you can manage that, all on your terms.
Stay strong, i know how hard it must be for you...but your little girl needs you to help her lead a normal life. Together you can do it. My daughter is my saviour, my children are my life.
Take care x
I also would be wary of his family. I know your daughter can't be raised in a bubble, but I'd be worried. I mean, if your husband was sexually abusive he got that behavior from somewhere. Not to put unnecessary blame on others, but child abusers usually don't spring from healthy families. So, I think it's fine if you keep distance from them until you can sort out your own feelings. You don't need the extra drama right now. I know you're not interested in counseling, but maybe talking to someone could help. Take care.
always look to the future that is where recovery is and waiting. be strong for your child and yourself.
there are no easy answers to any of this but it does get better if you don't give up.
the boy warrior.
You are going through the emotions much like the abuse was done to you. A man you loved did this horrible thing to a miracle that the two of you created.
If you decide to let her visit with her grandparents, make sure that you are there at any minute. I am not suggesting that they will abuse her over again, but they may (and probably will) talk about her dad is such a good light, that she will be left confused.
If you allow visits, set the ground rules and strictly enforce them! Listen to your gut instincts. Mama's have those instincts for a reason. Let the mama bear in you out if need be!!
Hope and Love
I dont think you should cut ur husband's family out of your child's life just because he did wrong. That is unless they are excusing his behaviour and giving your child a hard time about it. I know if someone in my family abused their child it may not be easy to hate them but I would be angry at their actions and probably cut them out of my life. I certainly wouldnt make excuses for what they did or be ok with it. I would still want to see my niece or nephew and it would hurt if I was cut out just because I was related to the abuser. I think its wrong to judge a whole family because one is an abuser. My father abused me, does that mean the rest of the family are abusers...no. That couldnt be further from the truth.
Sexual abuse is something that you just cant get over. Your daughter will have ongoing issues but you have made the healing process alot smoother for her by convicting her father and showing her love and understanding. I admire you for that because my mum let me down in many ways.
Are you in therapy? that could be helpful for you and your daughter.
take care
I dont think you should cut ur husband's family out of your child's life just because he did wrong. That is unless they are excusing his behaviour and giving your child a hard time about it. I know if someone in my family abused their child it may not be easy to hate them but I would be angry at their actions and probably cut them out of my life. I certainly wouldnt make excuses for what they did or be ok with it. I would still want to see my niece or nephew and it would hurt if I was cut out just because I was related to the abuser. I think its wrong to judge a whole family because one is an abuser. My father abused me, does that mean the rest of the family are abusers...no. That couldnt be further from the truth.
Sexual abuse is something that you just cant get over. Your daughter will have ongoing issues but you have made the healing process alot smoother for her by convicting her father and showing her love and understanding. I admire you for that because my mum let me down in many ways.
Are you in therapy? that could be helpful for you and your daughter.
take care
"Abuser's don't usually spring from healthy families" and this is VERY TRUE.
It is also important to remember that perps have also frequently been abused. It does not condone their actions. But also BE AWARE of anyone. Teachers, Religious officals, grocery check outs. Old, young, sibling, cousin...ANYONE has the propensity to abuse, especially if they have been abused.
It is a sad way to look at the world, but it is very true. My deeepest regrets...it is my dream to change these facts...G