Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
Hey, everyone. My story is really dark, and I'd like to share you, because I'm seeking for understanding and support here, and I'm sure about that I'm not alone, and hopefully I'll be able to help others. Deviant sexual behavior is not only a problem of adults, but of certain children as well, even if it's still swept under the carpet. I've shared it somewhere else anonymously, and some people found it funny and hot (wtf???!), but it's really really not a joke. Please take it seriously, or don't read it at all.
I was around five years old when the incident happened. But before I'll tell you about the abuse itself, I've seen another traumatic thing in kindergarten in that era of my life. I had a friend in kindergarten, and she literally satisfied orally a boy, because he promised her that he would buy her a doll. Of course, he didn’t.
Im not sure if it happened later, or before, but it was in about the same year, when me and my family went to our cousins’. My father’s family has always been poor af, because my uncle was an alcoholic (he died beacuse of his addiction), and they all live in poverty in the slum of a really small town, whic is so depressing – that place is basically like Xenia from the film ’Gummo’. So the granddaughter of my uncle (who is at the same age as I do) wanted to play that I’m the guy and she’s having sex with me. I… I just had no idea what to do, she gave me instructions and touched me at somewhere…
I actually forgot this event, and it was hidden until a shard of that day came to my mind, and a day I listened to the song ’Daddy’ by Korn, and I just realised what had really happened. But sometimes I’m not sure if it really happened, it seems so unreal and too terrifying to be true.
Now, I have troubles with having any sexual interactions. I’m 18 yrs old, and I had sex with my ex-girlfriend, and it was fine, but something still disturbed me about it, I felt dirty. Penetration makes me fear, it wouldn’t make me happy, and I’m not sure, if these difficulties are because of my traumatic experience, or I’m gay, asexual, whatever.
I just don’t wanna feel that anxiety, yet having desires.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
It is normal to have your sexuality be affected by sexual abuse. People often go one of two ways: either they get hypersexual or they get turned off to sex completely. Sex can be a respectful and joyful experience, and it is a gift of your own body. But it's not easy to strip away the effects of sexual abuse and its interference with normal sexuality. I still struggle with that.
You can work on healing from this experience and reclaim your sexuality. The best way to do that is through therapy or counseling. I found a counselor by calling the hotline at RAINN.org.