Sexual Abuse Support Group

Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...

3,544 Members
16,257 Posts
0 Online
Personal Challenges
/ Sexual Abuse Support Group

I thought I was healed...

momof3kings
momof3kings

I was sexually abused as a youth by my stepfather for 4 years and I studied and read many self-help books to help heal me. It worked for a while. I also saw a counselor for awhile. Recently, I feel like my triggers are coming back and I don't want to be touched or be intimate with my husband. The more I try to communicate why I am so distant, he gets frustrated and doesn't want to hear it. I eventually give in and lay there feeling like I am being abused all over again. How can I fix this? 

gettingitstraight
gettingitstraight
First I am sorry your going through this but it's not right your husband being so insensitive about it have you told him how it makes you feel when he does that. There's always something that will trigger you me whoever it just depends how it affects you apparently yours is on the bad side you need to sit down with your husband and tell him what this does to you
LuckyEmpath
LuckyEmpath
I am sorry for all you have been through. I do believe that the healing process is not just a 'once and done' type of process. Since there are many levels to the trauma, especially the fact that it went on for 4 years, I would imagine there will be many levels to your healing process. I know there have been for me.

It sounds like you healed to the point where life became better and you were able to go about your day to day life with no interruptions from you past. Sometimes this can make a person feel their healing is done - because there life is 'normal' again. But when a strong trigger comes along, or more memories start to return, it shows us that we are not quite done with healing just yet.

Please find a new therapist if you do not have one already. You can fully heal but I would not recommend doing it alone. Once you do have a therapist explain what is happening in your marriage and see if he/she has any suggestions for your husband. Perhaps they may even want to see both of you for couples counseling. I can understand your husband is frustrated but respecting your body is more important than anything else right now. Please do not just lay there. All you will be doing is re-traumatizing yourself and that is not fair to you. If you don't want to have sex then don't have sex. It is YOUR body and no one has a right to touch it....ever...not even your husband.

((hugs))