I was just a kid when my family's friend hurt me so bad and part of me thought I had made it up, then I thought I forgot it. I realize now that I could never completely forget it, that my body remembered when I thought I forgot. I started Courage to Heal with my therapist years ago but after a year of very hard work, I never really went back to it with her. I joined a group but that didn't last long, and I thought I was doing okay because I thought I had all I was going to get out of my memories. Just a few didn't really fit in, so I thought maybe I remembered them from another time or from someone telling me their story. This is the messed up thing to me. I thought my brain had filled in all this terrible stuff, I told myself couldn't be true, but I got lost near a state park by my house a couple months ago and ... well the roads are real, the bridges are real. Now I am kinda wondering what to do with this other info, is it memory or is it me imagining the worst? This is what I do know.... Those things... those mechanisms that I worked so hard to ID and come up with healthier things to do, well yeah. I can't sleep at night, sleep better during the day. I can't sleep unless I am wearing my shoes which is messed up to me, I feel un-nerved, even at school, my classmate's cologne somedays has sent me into crying fits. Even when this man followed my new vehicle and took pictures had me feeling panicked and so I called the police, but my feeling was to check on my sister to make sure she is okay. Of course she's okay. We're both adults now,  but old habits are hard to break. I know the anniversary is coming up, I always know, because the weather is so bad in our area. Always remember that, I just wonder what you guys would do with this, I feel like I am spinning my wheels here, which means I am exhausted at school. I feel like I am floating most days, which is a concerning feeling. I need help.