I really don't have any advice, but I'm with you on the not believing. My mother's husband (my step-father) did unspeakable things to me. When I told her, she said nothing. To this day, she still doesn't believe me. She won't even acknowledge my accusations of her now dead husband.

If you ever need to talk, you can message me. If I'm online, great, otherwise just send me a real message, I'll always respond. I'm a good listener and can share in the pain.

I've got multiple abusers in my past, two of them family friend. I never told anyone. I don't care too. But if you need to talk about your experience, I'm here for you.

I am also here for you, and I am willing and eager to talk about my experience now that i have gotten some help. I would be happy to listen and have someone listen to me. You are more than welcome to msg me while I'm online here or send me an email for this page.

I have been through the same thing. Please feel free to PM if you need to talk. I found that for me, talking really helped me get through my abuse. I know for some it is hard and thats ok. It just worked for me to get it out. butterflybaby15

You have just done it. i mean you have started talking about it. There is no benefit in not talking about it, but, be careful about who you choose to tell. I didn't trust anyone for man years. When I finally did start to trust people I had very little experience at choosing trust worthy people, and was hurt a few times. That is just part of recovery. I took the position that I am not an abuse victim, I am an abuse survivor. Iacceepted that I could not change my history so I accepted it. Then I started living in today.

I sorted through myself and how I had led my life and determined which of the effects of my abuse had hindered my personal growth the most. I then focused in on finding ways to change those personality characteristics.

I took it easy. Somebody used a phrase which became my mantra. "It is hard by the yard but can be a cinch by the inch." I tried to make one small improvement each day.

Good luck. You have a very intresting journey ahead of you.

thank you all for your replys, i am finding it very hard at the moment, i had a nighmare las night where i was taken back to when i was first abused, i was so scared about it i knew i was dreaming but i couldnt wake myself up. i feel like i back to square one.

Your story is more common than it should be. So many, finally tell and either not believed or encouraged to sweep it under the rug. And so often, the abuse continues as it did with you. It's tragic.

You have held your pain for 16 years which has hurt you further, your need to finally come to grips with and talk about what happened and the affects it had on you and your life is a healthy one. Talking about it is the route to processing, expressing and releasing a lot of the pain you've carried all these years. You do need to talk about it and continue talking. It a burden that is too much to carry alone. DS along with finding a good therapist is a good place to get the support, acceptance and encouragement you need. Many, including myself, will support you any way we can. Recovery is a process and your reaching out here is positive step in the healing process.

I know what you mean. I still have nightmares that seem so real, so vivid, that it takes me awhile to realize that what was happening in the dreams is NOT what is happening NOW. I get pulled back into my nightmares sometimes and it makes me feel so helpless, just like I was when the abuse was going on. I think that's a lot of why I fight going to sleep. I tend to think of the nightmares as a wake-up call for me that now is the time for me to take control of myself and that I have choices when it comes to healing the trauma. Perhaps that's what your nightmares are telling you, too. Just some food for thought. In any event, please know that you are not alone in your struggles. I struggle, too.

Thank you for your kind words I know now that I not alone in feeling the way that I do. It is not just the nightmares I suffer from It is the feeling of shame that I feel because I feel it is my fault that it happen to me all those year ago now I know that is silly but I just can't help the way I feel, hopefully I will be better in time and be able to talk about what happen to me with one of my friends, but until that day comes it is a comfort to me to know that there are kind people on here that are willing to listen to me and other people who have been sexaully abused

I hav enever been able to figure out how the perpetrators do it, but, we all feel shame even if we know we had no control over what happened. There is a good discussion of Shame which might be helpful at :
http://www.amsosa.com/shame.htm

Love and serve
Jim

Survivors blaming themselves is sadly so very common. As you say, you know it's not true...silly as you put it...but can't seem to stop feeling that way. That "shame" and irrational believe is so destructive to you....it's why it's so important to be talking about what happened so others can help you frame it up and see it differently so you don't need to carry that shame. No matter whatt...it's absolutely not rue. It truly doesn't matter what you may have done, said, acted...whatever....it wasn't your fault in any way....looking at what makes it persist even though intellectually you know it isn't true is important work to do. It's a shame you need not shoulder

am not sure if what im going to say will make much sense.as we all now the nightmares can seem so real and so scary,the way i have tried to look at it is that my mind is ready to face these things,instead of my mind shutting off and pretending.facing the truth of my past has and is scary,but something i no is nessesary in order to face the future,tc alwaysx

Thanks I have issues with shame too so this thread has helped me a lot. Thanks Star!

Hi thanks for all of you replys, so i saw a freind today, and i tried my hardest to tell him what happened to me, but i just couldnt bring myself to do it. what is wrong with me i feel i am ready to talk about it but i just cant seen to find the words too.